Category Archives: assumptions

The Note In My Windshield Wiper

I don’t know what was more disturbing, the fact that I never noticed the note in my windshield wiper, or the content of the note itself.

The fact that I hadn’t noticed it was disturbing because it was most likely put in their on Saturday, a day in which I had made several stops running errands.  Based on the “er” on the left of the note my guess is that the paper used came from Meijer, but for it to happen at that location also made no sense.

I was at work on Monday and one of the attorneys in our office came in and said “Grace, you have a nasty note on your car, a really nasty note.”

I could not understand why anyone would leave me a note, and my first assumption was that it had been put there while I was in the office.  The attorney had noticed it tucked under my windshield wiper blade, and the paper was a bit stiff and yellowed, as if it had been baking in the sun.

When I read the note I realized it had to have happened when I was running errands on Saturday, because early Saturday it had rained and the note showed no sign of having gotten wet.  I knew I had not bumped anyone’s car with mine, not even a door, so I was baffled at the note.  However, my instincts told me that, based on the wording, it was possible whoever wrote it may have done something to my vehicle in retaliation.  I walked outside and checked my car out all the way around — no damage, so that was a relief.note on car010

My mind then went through my day, trying to figure out the location.  Even though I was guessing at Meijer based on the red “er,” I still wanted to figure out where I may have been parked close enough to warrant such a note.

  • First stop, farmer’s market — parked in a muddy dirt lot, I was the end vehicle and a wide walking path between me and the vehicle next to me.  Definitely not there.
  • Second stop, Kohl’s.  I parked in a normal spot, but my vehicle was dead center on my spot and so were the cars on either side of me.  I don’t think that was a logical location.
  • Third stop was a pool supply store, very small and there were only two vehicles in the entire parking lot with plenty of space between.  Definitely not there.
  • Fourth stop was Sam’s Club.  I parked next to the cart corral, and because the car on my driver side was over the yellow line, I had to park extremely close to the cart corral and was closely watching my mirrors so they didn’t catch on the rack.  If the guy next to my driver’s side wrote the note, then he should have addressed it to himself for hogging part of my spot.
  • Fifth stop was Meijer.  This was the only location where I used my handicap plate and parked in a designated spot, which means there was ample room around both sides of my vehicle.  The note appears to be on Meijer paper, but I could not have touched another vehicle, so again baffled by the message.

After all this analyzing there are two conclusions.

  1.  If the damage to the writer’s vehicle was so bad it warranted the above note, why didn’t they contact the security of the store, or even contact the police?
  2. If their vehicle really was damaged in the parking lot, it is possible that another vehicle was parked beside them, damaged their car as they were leaving, and then I pulled in, parked beside them and got blamed for someone else’s actions.

The bottom line is I will never know the answer to who wrote the note and where it occurred.   Based on the wording I will say I am glad that I did not arrive at my vehicle as they were writing the note as it may have been a hostile encounter.  On the other hand, at least I would know when and where the note was left.  The mystery of the note in my windshield wiper will never be solved.

 

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Filed under assumptions, communication, Discoveries, impressions, Life is a Melting Pot, Michigan, Mystery, reality, time

Dreams + Action = Reality

How often we have a dream of something…a place to travel, an advancement in career, weight loss, or a lifestyle change.  Often whatever that dream may be seems so far off in the distance that we feel it is unachievable.   The problem is that we fail to create a plan of action.  Without a plan the dream is impossible, because without action the reality of the dream will never be achieved.

Some people formulate plans in their head.  Other people, like me, make lists and cross things off as accomplished.  Some are able to just dive in and start working without a plan of action.  Whatever works for you is fine, as long as it works.  Too often when a task seems overwhelming it is easy to let it slide; even if you have the list you never act on it.  Other times set-backs can throw us off balance or cause a backwards slide.  When that happens get your footing and push forward.

The Distance between dreams and realityI am dealing with dreams in various aspects of my life, and the reality is I have been slow in taking action, but every small step I make gives me a feeling of accomplishment and the desire to push forward….I just need to start doing it at a faster pace!

Each of my dreams deals with a different part of my life.  Each has a different game plan.  Each will be worked on and accomplished at different speeds, and some may need to be put on hold while I push to accomplish others.  That is okay.  Even putting some on hold can be part of the overall plan of action.  The important part is to act on the plan.

So, what are my Dreams + Action = Reality goals?

Asset Control:  This sounds strange, but I have inheritance money and/or assets that have not yet been distributed to me and I need to take whatever steps necessary so that all items are under my control.  I also have property and a motor home that I want to sell and need to push stronger to get those sales accomplished.  Once I have achieved those things, my asset control goal will be accomplished and I will be able to better fund my investments for a higher yield, which has a direct effect on my retirement funds.

Downsizing:  I decided some time ago that I need to downsize, and I have talked about it quite a bit, but the “action” part has been slow in coming.  This is most likely because it will be a tremendous change.  I will have to get rid of an overwhelming  amount of items accumulated over a 34 year marriage, sell move from my 4-bedroom colonial with the plan to purchase a 2-3 bedroom ranch-style condominium.  I am finding the action part is both time consuming and somewhat emotional as I will need to part with numerous possessions.  However, after cleaning out my parent’s home following their demise and having listened to several friends also go through the same thing, I realize that the majority of this stuff is not anything my kids are going to want and is just taking up space.  This is my number one priority and the first “dream” I have to make a “reality”.

Retirement:  Being a widow retirement can be very close, within the next three years, or in the distant future.  My full-retirement age of 67 is still ten years away.  My goal is to land somewhere in the middle, around age 62-63.  I know I cannot afford to stay in this house once I retire, and so the push to downsize is a necessity as much as a desire.  The sooner I downsize the faster I can save more money toward my retirement dreams and/or another dream.

Travel:  There are a lot of places I have not been to but want to see, both in this country and others.  While working I want to start taking short trips and seeing a bit of the country.  Once I retire I want to be able to travel much more extensively.  I am even debating whether I want to go ahead and fulfill a prior dream my deceased husband and I had…full time RV.  A friend of mine just started on his adventure, and in helping him get ready to head out I felt the desire come back to hit the road myself.  I have learned that  there are a lot of women driving Class A motor homes and towing vehicles, living the full-time life all by themselves  If they can do it, why can’t I.  Time will tell.

Writing and Photography:  These are both things I do now, but my life has been rather hectic the past few years and I do not have as much time for either of these areas as I would like.  I hope that once I have downsized, and most definitely once retired, that I can devote a considerable amount of time to both of these areas.   I have a book started that I plan to finish and other ideas bouncing around in my head for additional books.

As you read this you may have realized that my dreams are related to each other.  I need financial control of all my assets to achieve my other goals financially.  I need to complete the downsizing prior to retirement.  I need to retire to obtain more time for writing, photography, and travel.  Dreams + Action = Reality.  I better get busy!

I hope that while reading this you have started to formulate dreams and plans for action in your head.  What are your dreams?  I would love to hear about them in the comment section below.

 

 

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Filed under assumptions, career, Cleaning, communication, decisions, Discoveries, employment, exploration, Family, habit, hobbies, home, Life Changing, Life is a Melting Pot, mind, reality, time, travel, Writing

20 Facts About Me

I was in a fog and not sure what to write about, when I stumbled across something that was titled “20 Facts About Me.”  Now most of you don’t know me, so this will serve as a quick introduction to who I am.  If you do know me,  you may find some surprises here.   I’m just going to list random things as they come to mind.  Here goes nothing:

  1. I was born September 23rd, which means if you follow astrology I am a Libra and I fit the personality criteria.
  2. I have lived most of my life in unique places:
    a.  Born in Traverse City, Michigan — the Cherry Capitol of the World
    b.  Lived in Iron Mountain, Michigan, which has one of the highest artificially
    created ski jumps in the world.
    d.  From the time I was 6 until just before my 21st birthday I lived in Eaton
    Rapids, Michigan — the only Eaton Rapids on Earth and also once famous for
    its mineral springs.
    e.  I now live in St. Clair, Michigan, which has the longest fresh water boardwalk
    in the world and is located on the St. Clair River, one of the busiest shipping
    channels in the world.
  3. When I was a child I wanted to be an actress/movie star, a veterinarian, and a writer.
  4. I work full time as a paralegal, plus I am a photographer and a writer.
  5. I have never learned my multiplication tables.
  6. I hate personal confrontation but like to stir up controversy in my writing.
  7. I write a genealogy column for The Lakeshore Guardian and am an occasional opinion columnist for the Port Huron Times Herald.
  8. My favorite writer as a child was Nancy Drew, and as a teen I enjoyed reading Agatha Christie and Alfred Hitchcock.
  9. I now read a variety of genres, but primarily non-fiction.
  10. My favorite flavor of ice cream is vanilla.
  11. I was married for 34 years and widowed at age 55.
  12. I was once an avid collector of Precious Moments figurines.
  13. I am a scrapbooker.
  14. I am the mother of two (son and daughter) and have a total of six grandchildren, but unfortunately only have contact with three of them.
  15. I am writing a book about our families involvement with CPS and my husband and my battle with them when attempting to adopt two of our grandchildren.
  16. I love to travel and hope to do more once I reach retirement.
  17. I have a tendancy to become emotionally attached to possessions.
  18. For the past 37 years I have slept on, and still sleep on, a free-flow water bed.
  19. My house is filled with items my deceased husband picked up when going through people’s trash looking for metal scrap.
  20. I have a large collection of bookmarks, most of them obtained for free.

So those are my 20 items.  Nothing too off the wall or bizarre.  Just simple little things that reveal who I am.   What I learned from this, is that coming up with 20 things to list about myself was more difficult than I anticipated.  I’m sure once I post this more exciting, fun things will come to mind.  That is just how life goes.

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Filed under assumptions, communication, Discoveries, habit, hobbies, impressions, Life is a Melting Pot, memoir, reality, Writing

Society is a Mess

I have had this jumbling around in my mind for a while now, the horrid mess that society here in the U.S. has become.  It is as if some people have lost compassion, morals, and are on an ego trip.

One area in which I think the media services the perpetrator rather than the victims is mass shootings.    A “nobody” who wants recognition for whatever reason loads themselves up with firepower and ammunition, then goes into some location where they are likely to find a large portion of unarmed victims and opens fire.   The victims have had their lives changed forever, if they are still alive.

part-of-culturesA prime target has become schools, where firearms are not allowed.   By an act of violence upon the innocent the “nobody” — a coward in my eyes because of the venue and victim type he/she chooses — has now become a celebrity.  Thanks to mass media the shooter’s photo is displayed on TV and in newspapers across the country repeatedly, video clips of the shooting and aftermath are played again and again.  Whether captured or killed, the shooter’s name will go down in history of having done something that made them headline news…a celebrity of sorts, even if for the negative they created.

It makes me wonder, would people be so inclined to perform such heinous acts of violence  if the perpetrator was only mentioned once, or their photograph shown for a very short, limited period of time and only in passing?  What if the person who committed the act was “brushed under the rug” so to speak and the news only focused on the victims from the beginning?  Would this decrease the desire to do something considered breaking news, something that the media follows for days or weeks?  It is certainly something to consider.

Another thing that bothers me is the influx of adults who are being found to have sexually abused large amounts of minors or adults in vulnerable positions.  Larry Nassar and Bill Cosby are two recent examples.  While Bill Cosby was already a household name for positive reasons and his name now tainted, Larry Nassar was not widely known until the large sex abuse scandal became national news.  Once again the news media turned a pedophile into a glorified celebrity.   There aren’t many people who hear the name “Nassar” and don’t know who is being referred to.  I have mixed feelings about this.the-great-hope-of-society-is-in-individual-character-quote-1

I think there is a fine line between “the right to know” for both the benefit of news and our own personal protection and the ego trip these people get in obtaining celebrity status, even if in a negative manner.  People such as the mass shooter or sexual abuser, in my opinion, are lacking in self-esteem and/or are so self-absorbed and egotistical that they are unwilling or unable to put the feelings of others before their own personal desires.  This leads them to harm or abuse those around them and in doing so they gain a feeling of power and control.   It would be interesting to see if horrors such as these would be reduced if there were no recognition for such dastardly deeds.  We will probably never know the answer.

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Filed under assumptions, communication, decisions, events, habit, impressions, Life Changing, Life is a Melting Pot, mind, reality, school

Good Morning!

I was at a loss on what to write about this week.  So much negativity in the news with school shootings, peace officer shootings, and of course the impact statements of victims of Larry Nassar.  While we want to know what is going on in our world, and all of these items are certainly newsworthy, it still can oppress the spirit and drain you of energy.

A cute frog with buggy eyes is smiling as it hangs on a tree branch surrounded by the words "Good Morning, Have a Happy Day..."

Image and Quote found online     Author unknown

Then I was online and stumbled across a cute little Good Morning image.  It immediately made me smile.  The visual impact of a buggy eyed frog grinning as it precariously hangs on by its feet from a tree branch is enough to bring a grin to anyone’s face.  The message “Good Morning, Have a Happy Day” just says it all.  Regardless of what your situation make the best of it.

We are a visual world and it seems we are constantly burdened with negative images.  TV programs that we watch for relaxation are often crime or medical dramas, the news is laden with the negative rather than the positive, newspapers frequently spotlight the worst of the worst rather than the best of the best on their front pages.   Even video games that our youth play are laden with crime….car jackings, gun fights, fist fights, and even sex and/or hookers can appear in these games.  What kind of message is this sending?  What kind of an impact is all this negative focus having on not only adults, but more importantly on children and teens?

A young boy wearing a striped shirt and printed shorts that hang almost to his ankles walks away with his head down, the quote says "Sometimes it is better to be alone nobody can hurt you."

Image and Quote found online      Author unknown

Take a look at another quote I found online.  This image, even without the quote, portrays sadness.  The little boy wearing miss-matched clothing, walks away with his head bowed.

The visual impact is an overall feeling of desolation.  The quote “Sometimes it’s better to be alone nobody can hurt you” confirms what the photo says.    You wonder what happened to this little boy that he is feeling so desperate and alone.   Is there abuse in the home?  Is he being bullied at school?  Is he lacking in friends?

The viewer’s mood is impacted by this image in a caring, sympathetic way, but the image also has a tendency to give a feeling of depression to the viewer.

Whales swim by a quote "Be so happy that when others look at you they become happy too"

Image and Quote found online Author unknown

We are a visual society.  We are a society impacted by a lot of negativity in our lives.  The way each person approaches life and the way they conduct themselves when dealing with others has a large impact not only on their own life, but also on that of others.  It is easy to be nice, happy and courteous to a buggy eyed, smiling frog.  Keep in mind that the difficult adult or child you encounter may inside be that little boy, dealing with demons you are unaware of and can not even begin to imagine.  Regardless of who you are dealing with, try to be that kind, smiling frog in any situation.  Be kind and courteous and maybe you can turn their attitude around in the process.

Smile – Be Happy – Have a Great Day!

 

 

 

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Filed under assumptions, Cleaning, communication, Coping, decisions, environmental, freindship, friends, friendship, habit, impressions, kids, Life Changing, Life is a Melting Pot, mind, reality, time

Tradition with a Twist

As we celebrate Thanksgiving the minds of many is already on what has to be done in preparation for Christmas…the shopping, baking, decorating, and the traditional Christmas card mailing.

I have noticed over the years that the number of cards received has dropped tremendously.  Is it because people are too busy to bother?  Is it because people think an email “Happy Holidays” is as good as a traditional snail mail greeting?   Is it because the price of Christmas cards has become so outrageous, and then once bought and prepared the postage still has to be purchased?  The words Tradition and Change

It could be any or all of those reasons, but I tend to believe the cost of cards has had a huge impact on the traditional sending of the card.   The last time I purchased cards, which was several years ago, it was over fifty dollars just for the cards.  I had always sent the traditional card with a newsletter on our happenings for the past year typed and included, and usually a bit of a handwritten personal note on the card as well.   Then life happenings put me in a position to change all that.

In 2010 I did not get my traditional cards bought and the holiday crept up on me.  Still I did not want to miss the traditional sending of the holiday greetings, so I did it with a twist.  I used my Publisher program to make a Christmas Greetings newsletter.  I set it up to read like a newspaper with various topics and column headings and included a few pictures of the family as well.  A separate column was set up where I wrote about each of my adult children and my grandchildren.  Other topics might have been travel, house remodeling/upgrades, and other such items.  I then mailed the newsletter, with no card, in regular #10 envelopes.  I folded them so that the “Christmas Greetings” header was visible when it was pulled from the envelope to give it a bit of holiday feel.

My newsletter was well received.  People enjoyed getting lots of news on the family.  I also heard that the newsletter format was liked because it was a rather long letter, but they were able to pick up and read various columns and then sit it down and finish later without loosing where they had been.   I have not purchased any Christmas cards since then.  Every year I continue to do the Christmas newsletter.  It is printed back-to-back, which cuts down on paper.  Some years it is one sheet (2 pages), other years it has been 2 sheets (4 pages).  A red pickup truck with a Christmas tree in the bed drives down a snow covered driveway toward a large farmhouse decorated for christmas. The ground and trees are covered with snow. A dog walks across the front yard. Red bows and wreaths hang from the mailbox, a pinetree in the front yard and the house.

What has happened over the years since I started this?  Last year I received three “letters only” Christmas greetings.   So far I am the only one using newspaper format, the others were written in the traditional letter style, but they were full of information and happenings from throughout the year.   I enjoy receiving Christmas newsletters.  It is nice to hear about what people you are away from are doing, and it is more personal than a standard card.  It shows you took time, put effort into the greeting, even if it is a letter that has been printed and photo copied.  It still took a bit of time to compose that newsletter.

As we enter the holiday frenzy I challenge you to do tradition with a twist.  If you have already purchased your Christmas cards, then enclose a short newsletter about the past year inside each.  If you have not purchased cards, consider composing a Christmas Greetings newsletter and mail those out to family and friends instead.  You may find, as I did, that in a couple years you start getting those in return as well.  Tradition with a Twist!

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Filed under assumptions, celebration, communication, decisions, Discoveries, Family, freindship, friends, friendship, Holidays, Life is a Melting Pot, time, Writing

All We Can Do Is Wait

On October 31, 2017 while everyone was prepping for the evenings Halloween fun, I was attending my son’s parole hearing.  It was the first either of us have ever been through so the nerves leading up to the day were rough for both of us, but I’m sure more for him than I.  I visited Patrick the evening before the hearing.  We had a nice visit and were both quite relaxed by that point.  We were as prepared as possible.

Patrick and Grace taken during prison visit October 30, 2017

Patrick and I, October 30, 2017

The parole hearing was scheduled at 8:30 am, so McLeod House, the bed and breakfast where I was staying in Newberry was kind enough to fix breakfast for me a bit earlier than normal.  This was nice, as I was able to attend with a satisfied appetite.  When I arrived at the prison I had to go through the normal security check procedures used when visiting a prisoner.

The hearing was being conducted by video, with Patrick and I seated side-by-side at a table and the gentleman from the parole board on two-way video with us.  We could only see part of his face, but we could tell he was inputting information into a computer, reading information on Patrick, and forming his questions as he went.

This was surprising to me.  I expected them to have a written list of questions they went by, but that was not the case.  Obviously each parole hearing is conducted “on the fly” so to speak, with questions tailored specifically to each individual person and new questions arising based on the answers the parole board member receives.

When I arrived the parole board member asked if I had ever attended a parole hearing before, and when I told him I had not he explained that for the majority of the hearing he would be talking to Patrick and I was to sit quietly and listen, and I was not to help Patrick with his answers, nudge him, kick him under the table, or in any other way influence his answers.  At the end I would be given an opportunity to speak.

The gentleman covered my Patrick’s crimes, asked him some questions, and then asked me what I thought about his crimes.  That was a question I had not anticipated and all I can hope is my reaction/answer satisfied what he was looking for.    When given the opportunity I also stated that I have room for Patrick to stay with me, a car he can use, etc.  However given the nervousness of the situation I know I forgot part of what I intended to say.

The hearing took approximately thirty minutes.  When it was over we were advised it may take weeks or months to hear a decision.  Patrick has one required class he will be finished with in a couple weeks, and we anticipate they may wait until he has completed that before issuing a decision.  Hopefully it is not too long.

There is no visiting once the hearing is complete.  I was able to hug him goodbye and then I left the prison.  His earliest parole date is March 19, 2018, so there is plenty of time between now and then.  Hopefully the decision is made quickly so we know the situation.  It is in the parole boards hands so all we can do is wait.

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Filed under assumptions, communication, Coping, decisions, Family, impressions, Life Changing, Life is a Melting Pot, parents, time

Making Decisions

Life gets busy and we tend to let time move past without really analyzing where we are in life compared with where we want to be.  It is when we take the time to step back and re-evaluate our position that we are able to determine our next step in accomplishing our overall goals.    This applies to anything in life…employment, relationships, finances, hobbies, etc.

For the past twenty months since my husband passed away I spent time reducing some of my expenditures, rolling over investments without really paying attention to them, and learning to pay bills.  I initially developed a budget but I did it without a clear understanding of my overall financial situation.  I realized I wasn’t in the best of situations, yet allowed myself to float along for a while.   Decisions by successful people

One to two months ago I started taking a harder look at my budget, my overall financial standing, and where I am compared with where I want to be at retirement.   The process while a bit stressful was also very enlightening.  I enlisted the assistance of a trusted friend in reviewing what I had to see if my thought process was on track and solicited suggestions.   The realization was that I need to make some changes, and I need to make them faster than I originally thought in order to secure a better future for myself.

While parts of the decision making put pressure on me to accomplish some tasks faster than I originally anticipated, the completion of those things will put me in a better position both financially and mentally to move forward with my life.  The decisions to make major changes in ones life are not easy, but they can also be enlightening.  While there will be difficulties along the way, and some of my decisions will also impact others, once the dust settles down things should be better for me and others.

decisions2So what am I doing?  I am going to downsize by sorting my belongings and accumulations of the past 36 years into keep and sell piles, and I am going to downsize out of my home and into something smaller and more manageable for me, both in upkeep and cost.   I am changing financial advisors in the anticipation that my investments will provide me with better earnings for my retirement.   I am going to forgo some of my activities and/or volunteer positions so that I have less commitments and more time to devote to things that I need or want to accomplish, such as the downsizing, running my photography business, and my writing.

Life is always evolving, always changing.  If you have areas you believe need improvement or with which you are unhappy, take a hard look at things and make changes that will provide you with the lifestyle and overall happiness you deserve.

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Filed under Activities, assumptions, communication, Coping, decisions, Discoveries, exploration, habit, impressions, Life Changing, Life is a Melting Pot, mind

Scampering Squirrel

The other day I had an encounter with a squirrel, well not actually an encounter, more somewhat of an invasion.  I happened to look out the window onto my front porch and spotted a squirrel up on the porch with a huge nut in its mouth.  It seemed to be confused on where it wanted to go.  It came across the porch, then walked toward the steps leading off the porch, then turned around so it was facing the door into the house, then sideways again and disappeared off the side of the porch.

What was the squirrel thinking as he ran back and forth?  Why did he choose to get up onto my porch?  Was he trying to escape the rain?  Where did the nut come from?  This last question is relevant because I don’t have any nut trees on or by my house that I am aware of.  How far did he carry that nut?

Standing Squirrel

Photo by Grace Grogan   Copyright 2014.

One question was answered by this, as I assume that this could be the same squirrel who left the shell from a nut on my sidewalk about a week ago.  I saw the pieces and wondered where they had come from.   Still I wonder where the squirrel was coming from, how far he is traveling to accumulate his nuts, and why he chose to walk up and across my porch rather than through the front lawn.

This is not the first animal encounter I have had.  Past encounters include bunny rabbits, deer on the front lawn, skunks strolling on my driveway and sidewalk, a rooster walking across the front lawn, birds on my porch eating insects out of spider webs, and a woodpecker pecking at my house.

Whatever possesses these animals to pass my way I will never know.  What is going through their minds as they travel across my yard I sometimes wonder.  Why that woodpecker feels the need to peck away at my house rather than one of the trees I cannot explain.  Wildlife in action.  I’m still pondering over the thought process of that squirrel on my front porch.

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Life is Bigger Than That

The thought below struck me as being important when I first saw it as it carries a lot of meaning.  So many people spend time making big issues out of small things.  Way too much time is spent stressed over things that a few months from now won’t even matter.  a.imagine this

We have 86,400 seconds per day to spend either happy and positive or negative and stressed.  So often people who are having a bad day take it out on those around them, and in the process ruin the other person’s day as well.

We all have those occasional days where one thing goes wrong, then something else goes wrong, and before you know it you have had an entire day of things going wrong.  Have you ever considered your attitude when this is happening?  Do you laugh it off and keep going or do you get frustrated, stressed out, angry, and rude?

Taking control of your attitude in moments of stress has a huge impact on your own personal happiness.   Don’t allow the behavior of others to impact your mood; and more importantly don’t let your behavior have a negative impact on others.

One prime example is in this era of social media is people who feel the need to post their personal arguments for public scrutiny.  What is this accomplishing?  Sympathy from others who are not involved?  Quite often I will read posts and wonder why someone felt the need to post something.  Have they considered the emotional harm to the person they are complaining about, who is most likely a friend, spouse, or other family member?  Have they forgotten that once on public media it is never lost and can re-surface at any time?  When posting on social media give consideration to the positive v. negative impact your posting may have, especially on those who you are closest to, those who deserve your love and protection, not public criticism.

As you go through your week remember that when life gives you a bowl of pits instead of cherries, when your parade gets rained on, or when a hurricane blows through you life, to keep a positive attitude and laugh at the blunders.  Search for the positive in the negative and move on.  Chances are 12 months from now you won’t remember it happened.   Don’t sweat the small stuff, live is bigger than that.

 

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Desirable Age

What is the desirable age?  That is a matter of your perception of age, your life as it once was, your life as it currently is, and your life as you want it to be.  The desirable age changes based on where you are in life and your personal life experiences.

When you were a child time moved slow.  School started in September and it took forever for Halloween to arrive, even longer for Thanksgiving, and that stretch until Christmas was an eternity.  As you got older and had a better understanding of time and more responsibilities time moved faster until suddenly one turn of events led to the next in the blink of an eye and you are constantly questioning where time has gone.

age - each year is preciousHave you ever found yourself wishing you could go back to the carefree days of your youth?  Do you remember a time when you wished you were older?  We all experience desires to be an age we are not for various reasons.

As a young child it was exciting to become older.  We proudly announced out age, thrilled with the advancement another birthday had afforded us.   “I’m Five,”  “I’m the oldest,”  “She’s too little to do this.”

Proud displays of advancing age and accomplishments.  Age brought wonderful benefits.  the ability to cross the street by yourself, ride a bike, walk downtown, earn money babysitting or getting a part-time job, driving a car, dating, and the list goes on.  Who can forget that ever desired ability to reach the age where you can purchase alcohol?  Everyone started their life and lived the first 21 years of their life with the ever present desire to be older.

Then you become and adult and suddenly life hits you smack in the face.  You have to work, if in college you may have work and school work.  You have bills, responsibilities.  Maybe you’ve gotten married, had kids, or both.  What happened to those wonderful days of high school that you once desired so much to be rid of?  You hit the age of 25, you are now a quarter of a century old.  Where has time gone?  You’re on a downhill roll, approaching 30.  Remember when 30 was old?

age - quote by eleanor rooseveltThose mid-range years of 30-50, you are working, raising kids, trying to have a life.  Time flies by.  They tell you to plan for retirement but seriously, when you are only 30 retirement is decades into the distance.  Why worry?  Spend and enjoy.  By the time you reach 40 you are taking life more seriously. Retirement plans are in place and you may even dream of the distant future with ideas about how you will spend your leisurely days of retirement.  Realistically you are counting the days with a mixture of excitement and dread until your children move from needing constant care to the teen years where less constant supervision is required but there is the potential for stepping onto the wrong path due to peer pressure and temptation.  Then they graduate from high school, enter into college and/or the working world.  Will they marry?  When will they have children (your grandchildren)?

You have become an empty nester.  Some feel lost without children at home.  Some enjoy the freedom to once again not have the responsibilities that they have carried for the past 18-20 years when raising a family.  You are still working, you still have responsibilities, but you have freedom like you haven’t had since young adulthood.    You have reached an age in your life where you may just say “can I just stay here, like this, forever.”

age - old age is 15 years older than i amIt is a wonderful point in life.  You are still young; retirement is a long way off.  You can enjoy activities on a larger scale, whether it be travel, boating, fishing, extreme sports, hobbies, or any other thing that captures your attention.   Life is a comfortable combination of relaxation and excitement.   Some people may desire their youth, some may desire retirement, but overall it is a mid-range point in which time is flying by as you enjoy life.

Retirement age is a combination of state of mind and age from birth.  Those born in 1960 or later like me do not reach full retirement age until 67, those born 1959 or earlier full retirement age is 65.  Early retirement can be taken at 62.  Those ages reflect when you can begin collecting social security benefits.  For those who are widowed you can collect widows benefits at age 60, provided you have not remarried prior to reaching that age.

That desirable age depends on where you are in life and what has transpired in your lifetime.  What you think is desirable or undesirable now may change depending on what happens in your life.   In fact that is what inspired me to write this blog.  I was recently talking to someone and told them I have a reached a point in my life when I wish I were a few years older.  Why?Age - life your life and forget your age

I was widowed at 55 but can not collect widows social security benefits until age 60.  While I may or may not collect them at that point, it is frustrating to realize I cannot receive that benefit for several years.  I have also come to realize that there are numerous discounts on travel, dining, and other perks that I am unable to take advantage of because I am just a few years too young.

Life experiences v. desirable age.  At 54 I had no desire to reach retirement age, I liked being younger.  I used to joke with my husband, who was nine years older, that getting the senior price for him and having to pay full price for me was what he got for being a “cradle robber.”  Ron was already retired but I was employed full time.  We purchased a motor home with the idea of me working a few years and then going full-time RV, traveling the country together.  Then Ron developed cancer, lost the battle, and I became a widow at 55.     I lost 100% of his social security income; I can’t collect widows benefits because I’m not old enough.  Live experiences v. desirable age, I am now looking forward to reaching age 60.  I may or may not collect at that point, but I know the option is there should I want or need to.  age - success by age

I can not say what someone who is in their 70’s or 80’s desires.  I haven’t lived that yet.  I know many people in those age groups are very active.  Remember age is a matter of the mind.  It is my belief that if you think and behave like someone who is younger, your active lifestyle will keep you young, and for that you will have a more fulfilling life.

So what is the desirable age?  In reality every age is desirable.  Every age has its benefits, its “perks.”  The innocence and energy of children, the desires and dreams of youth and young adulthood, the freedom that comes when you become an empty nester, the time and ability to fulfill dreams after retirement.  Enjoy your life.  You are at a desirable age.

 

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It is Me

It is always interesting when you read things that are supposed to be a part of your personality and discover they are accurate.  Astrological signs, the zodiac, those predictions that say because you were born in this month on this date, this is your personality.   I am a Libra.  It is Me.

Libra I BalanceWith today’s internet if you search out something on any sight it will suddenly start popping up in massive quantities.   That was the case with traits of my sign, Libra.  What surprised me was how many of those quotes accurately reflect my personality.

“Libras can take forever to make a decision.”  Anyone who has known me for long will attest that this is true.  Why?  Because the Libra sign is the scales, we like things to be in balance so we must carefully weigh all the odds, then review them, then think about it, then ponder over whether or not we are making a good decision that will keep everything in balance.    Now you may think everyone does that when making a major decision, and I agree with you on that.  But with us Libras it can be a minor decision or a major decision.  Each receives equal consideration, so don’t ask me to make a snap decision between plums or peaches, I need a minute to ponder the positives and negatives of each option.

“Libra knows and feels way more than they express, let things go way more than they should; feel deeply, love hard and aren’t shy about taking the hard road.”
This is so true.  Again, we don’t want to rock the scales so we may be thinking and acting one way, but feeling totally the opposite because we don’t want to cause a disruption.  It is better, or easier, to go along with what someone else wants and keep everything peaceful and flowing than to object and cause a dispute.   Keep in mind this can be the process with both negative and positive things.  I may be feeling something positive, but what if others don’t agree with that, better to keep it to myself and not risk an upset.

There are several thoughts about the Libra personality that play into each other, and as you read through these you may see a flow.Libra over thinker

“A Libra will act as if everything is okay even when things are falling apart.”

“Libras are good at ‘saving face’ meaning they can have more turmoil going on in their lives than you can imagine but guess what?  They won’t let you see them sweat.”

“A Libra bounces back and recovers no matter how heavy the weight you place upon them.”

Those three quotes easily relate to each other, and anyone that has known me for very long knows that I fit that personality.  I have lived for years with constant turmoil of some kind or another.  The majority of people I encounter have no idea what has gone on ‘behind the scenes’ in my life.   When in conversation I have mentioned a small portion of what I have encountered people sometimes wonder how I am able to function.  What the heck am I supposed to do, give up on life?  No, I do what the Libra personality says I do, I act as if everything is okay when inside I’m falling apart.  I don’t let anyone see me sweat, I keep a smile on my face and purge forward.  Because I am determined to maintain a positive attitude I always bounce back.

When a Libra is finally tired of the bullshit they won’t look back and you will be history.”  We Libras may prefer to keep everything in balance, but be aware, we are not pushovers.  We do not like things or people that are unfair, rude, or disrespectful.  We will put up with a lot, we will forgive and forgive and forgive, but eventually enough it enough.  When we have been pushed to our limit we will walk away and never look back.  What happens if circumstances cause us to look back?  We will always be wary.

Libras are also a good judge of character.  “If a Libra appears to be shy or standoffish they’re likely observing your behavior before opening up.”  I like people, but I don’t have a lot of close friends.  We Libras are choosy about who we get close to.  We enjoy being wild and crazy, wacky and weird, but we don’t want people who are going to tip those scales out of balance.  There are a lot of people that simply don’t fit what we consider the ideal friend, and so they remain at a distance; close friends are few and we like it that way.

Libra Leisure and HobbyLeisure & Hobbies are important to us Libra.  We have a wide range of interests and taking time to enjoy the fun things in life is important to our well being.  While we are the scales and like things in balance, we also like to debate issues and I for one certainly go for the win.  However winning or loosing is not the ultimate goal, because knowledge is gained through debate so a good discussion is always good for the brain.  If you always associate with people who think just like you there is no challenge, no gain in knowledge, it is just an ongoing, never changing, boring existence.

Travel is always enjoyable.  Exploring places you have never been or sometimes revisiting places you love and enjoy.  For years Niagara Falls was my favorite city.  That isn’t to say I don’t still enjoy it, it just isn’t the same as it was 35 years ago.  I love visiting historic homes, walking in gardens, visiting areas that are cultural and stopping at scenic outlooks.  No matter where you are there is always something you can enjoy, and with me, something I can photograph.

Over the years I have dabbled in various hobbies and crafts, with my most prevalent being photography.  A hobby that goes with that is being a scrapbooker.  I have also done counted cross-stitch, embroidery, latch hook, and miscellaneous other crafts, plus I love to write.  I enjoy  playing video/computer games.  I do this to compartmentalize my brain.  At work when I take a lunch break playing a computer game while I eat helps my brain to re-energize for the rest of the day.  It gives it a break.  Besides, games are fun!

“Music is often the center of a Libra’s existence.”  I listen to music less now than I did when younger, and I think it may have to do with the environment in which I work or the fact that I now reside alone.  I have learned to enjoy quiet.  When driving alone music in the car is a must – I  “dance” as I drive, singing, enjoying every minute of it.  When cleaning or doing other manual labor around the house if I take the time to turn on the radio I am happier and tend to work faster.  I also take breaks to dance to my favorite songs.  Music just fits every mood, it is energizing and relaxing, whatever you want it to be.

This is just a slight glimpse into the many things that make up the Libra personality.  The more I read the more I know.  This is Me.  I am a true Libra, whether overthinking and weighing the odds of an inconsequential decision far too long, juggling turmoil, sizing up someone before letting them into my inner circle, shooting pictures, playing computer games or dancing in my kitchen, I am a Libra.  This is Me.

 

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When the scales are out of balance

I am a Libra, I like balance.  I don’t like discourse and true to my sign, if something is out of balance my mind focuses on trying to resolve the issue, to get everything back into balance.    Sometimes it is beyond control, but the desire to know why eats at the brain.

Libra in HarmonyDoes this mean I wouldn’t want to know?  Absolutely not.  I like harmony and can sense when people around me are not in balance.  If I sense an imbalance in someone and they don’t say why, I then worry that I have caused the discourse.    If I know that I am the cause of someone’s displeasure, then my mind is racked with trying to figure out why.

To say that I run my life based on my horoscope would be false, but I do tend to read it quite often.  What I have been doing is collecting little tidbits of information about my astrological sign, and I have learned that I hold true to the personality traits of a Libra.

We Libras like balance and equality in life.  We hate conflict.  We value peace and harmony.  Our sign is the scales.  We have a cooperative nature and tend to choose the path that will make others happy, sometimes foregoing our own personal preferences to make sure that nothing is out of balance.    That desire for balance is what makes us so optimistic.  We see the best in people, make the best of any situation, and overall have a positive outlook on life.   That desire for balance can also play havoc with a Libra.

If the scale is out of balance there is no harmony, and we must get things back into Libras empathetic don't like when someone upset and they don't know whyalignment.  Because we like things to be fair and equal, if there is discourse our problem solving skills involve weighing the situation from every possible angle.  We Libras love debate because it challenges the brain, develops the ability to think creatively, and it solves problems.  When we feel we may be the subject of discontent that debate goes on in our head weighing every possibility, trying to figure out how to resolve the issue or obtain the answers on the “why” of a situation.

This overthinking, analyzing the situation from every angle, contemplating various solutions, trying to come up with a way to resolve the imbalance monopolizes the brain.  Thoughts jumble around in the brain throughout the day and night.  Frustration over the imbalance weighs heavy on the mind.

We can’t always solve the problem, but if we can reach an understanding of what has lead to the issue it helps to resolve the imbalance and allow the scales to once again align and bring the Libra brain back into harmony.

 

 

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Do I Like Living Alone?

I recently had a friend in a long-standing marriage comment that they wouldn’t mind living alone.  I was surprised.  Their comment had to do with everyone needing space, time alone.  Residing on your own provides that.

When my husband passed away in December 2015 I was thrown into living on my own for the first time in my life.  I went from living with my parents to living with my husband, and we were married 34 years.   I don’t mind living alone.  There are benefits.   My friend’s comment got me thinking, do I like living alone or have I adjusted out of necessity?

When you are married or involved in a co-habitation relationship patterns develop as to who does what.  One person pays the bills, another handles correspondence.  One mows the lawn and snow blows, the other cleans the bathrooms and vacuums.  Cooking involves making foods that both people like and predominately follows the preference of the person cooking.  Decorating incorporates the likes and dislikes of both people.  Each person tolerates things they don’t particularly care for out of consideration for the other.  It is a cooperative living arrangement that also provides companionship and support.   Living Alone

When residing on your own there isn’t anyone there to help carry the load.  You must figure out how to juggle it all on your own.  When like me it is suddenly dropped in your lap it has a definite learning curve.  Sometimes things don’t get done in the time frame you would like.   The benefit is that there is no one is there to interfere with what you want or the schedule you keep.

I can eat dinner when I want, whether it is 6:30 pm, 9:30 pm, or anywhere between.  I can cook what I want the way I want.  I only have to consider my own palate and my own schedule.   If I don’t want the TV on, it isn’t.  If I want the radio blasting at 2:00 am while I clean house, it is.  There is no noise, no one talking as I read my book with my meals.   Pictures on the walls, knickknacks set out, and the arrangement of furniture can all be changed to the way I prefer.   This is a slow, gradual process.  The house is slowly becoming more “me.”  I have made subtle changes that most people probably wouldn’t even notice.   I’m sure they will become more prominent over time.

So that brings me back to my friend’s comment.  Do I like living alone?  Yes and no.  I think living alone has been a good experience for me.  I have learned to do things I  never did in the past.  The basics of life always handled by my husband such as taking a car in for maintenance, handling the banking, trading in my vehicle for a new one, applying for a mortgage modification, meeting with a financial advisor, paying bills, gathering information for yearly taxes, mowing and trimming the lawn, etc. now must be worked into my schedule.

My husband, Ron, handled a lot.  I’ve never even painted a wall or put windshield washer fluid into a vehicle.  He handled it all.  Ironically Ron taught our son and daughter to do house maintenance, yard maintenance, how to use the generator, power washer, electric drills, shop tools, and how to hook up the trailer and pull it.  He just never taught me.  Those were things he took care of and there was no need for me to know how.  Ron took care of me.  That is what he felt his position was and I accepted it for thirty-four years.  Good or bad it is what it is.  Now I move forward.

I think living on my own and learning new things has boosted my self-confidence.  I have to handle things and if I don’t know how I make inquiries to find someone that does.   I have dealt with a plumber, a heating and cooling person, camera repair, computer support, and resolved issues with a hot tub repair. I have ventured into the unknown and survived.

I also think living on my own has been good from an emotional standpoint.  Ron and I were very wrapped up in each other’s lives.  We were happiest when it was just the two of us and we spent probably 90 to 95% of our free time together throughout our entire marriage.  We attended festivals, events, shopped, did photography, traveled, ate meals, watched TV, and so on together.  We had a few things we each did on our own, but the majority was together.

Living Alone 2The reality is most couples are not as completely consumed in each others lives as we were.  They spend more time doing things on their own and socializing with others.  Living alone has allowed me to adjust to doing things on my own.  I am still learning how to involve others in my plans so I am not always a solo act.

I think this adjustment period is important.   If at some time in the future I become involved in a relationship in which the decision is made to reside together I will be better prepared for the reality that most couples do not spend the majority of their free time wrapped up in each other’s life.  It will most likely not be such an all encompassing relationship as I had in my marriage.  I will also know that I am making that decision because it is a person I want to spend time with, not because I am lonely and/or trying to recreate what I had in my past.

So now we are back to where we started.  Do I like living alone?  Yes and no.  It has been and will continue to be a growing experience.  I have adjusted.  I am comfortable and would consider myself happy on a day-to-day basis.  I don’t desire it in the long term.  I hope that in my future I find someone who is interested in residing together and enjoying the benefits of daily companionship.   In the meantime I will make the most of living alone and enjoy it.

 

 

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10 Things I Can’t Live Without

When I stumbled across this statement it intrigued me.  Look around you.  You are living with dozens of “must have” items that did not exist 30, 50, 75 or 100 years ago.  Think of all the modern conveniences you use on a daily basis.  Which 10 things are most important, those items you can not live without?

There is so much we take for granted.  Things that in my lifetime have gone from non-existent to everyday use.  As I went through my day I thought about the things I was using.  What would life be like without this convenience?  That is how I came up with my list of 10 Things I Can’t Live Without.

  1.  Hot Water Heater — I know, pretty basic.  This occurred to me as I was climbing into my nice hot shower.  Before they existed people had to haul water in and heat it on a stove, then pour it into a tub and take a bath.  All that work just to get clean!  That brings me to my second item.
  2.  The Shower — before someone figured out how to force water up through a pipe and out above your head, everyone took baths.  Some people still do.  Some find it relaxing to climb into a tub and while away in a nice soak.  Not me.  I am a shower person hands-down.  One of the great inventions, and you don’t have to haul or boil water to receive it.
  3. Furnace — convenient heat.  No hauling wood, building a fire, having it die down overnight and waking up to a chilly home.  My furnace that I set at a temperature I want it to be at and it conveniently kicks on and off throughout the day and night to maintain the temperature of my home.  The convenience of warmth, or coolness if you also have air conditioning.
  4. Automobile — the ability to walk out, get into my vehicle and drive wherever I need to be.  It has heat.  It has air conditioning.  I can listen to the radio or news.  It protects me from the wind, rain, snow, cold, heat.  It gets me where I need to go quickly.  I can’t imagine life without the convenience of my vehicle.
  5. Internet — now I know there are people who live without being connected to the internet, or do they?  People are connected through their phones so they are never really not connected, just maybe not through a computer at home.  However I use the internet at work, at home, for staying in touch with family and friends, for gathering information, planning trips, mapping out routes, maintaining the website where I have my photographs, and writing this blog.  So much of what I do involves around the internet I would be very limited in what I do without it.  In fact when the power goes out, there is a tremendous amount of things I can’t do at home or work.
  6. Cell Phone — gone are the days of a phone attached to a wall with a 16-foot cord.  We now carry our phones with us everywhere we go.  It allows us to be in connection with others through phone calls, text messages, and social networks.  We use it as a computer, for navigation, for information, as a clock, as an alarm, stopwatch, to get news updates and weather reports.  The cell phone is a multi-use tool that we have all become dependent on to keep us in check as we go through the day.  How did we ever manage to live and survive without it?
  7. My Camera — I know, a weird one to pop up in this list.  A camera is the window to the world, past and present.  The images you capture hold forever in time a moment that will never again be repeated.  It is your memories held for generations to come.  Walking and looking around you, taking photographs of whatever captures your eye is relaxing.  I do the same thing driving, I see something, I stop and photograph it.  It is relaxing.  It is preservation of time.  It is important to me.
  8.  Paper and Pen — writing tools.  I can write without a computer.  I quite often write things by hand and later transcribe them into a typed format.  Why?  Because if traveling it is easier to pack paper and pen than my laptop.  Writing by hand slows the brain down, it causes you to spend more time formulating your thoughts.  It is not as easy to go back, erase and re-write if you are using paper and pen.  This is another activity that is relaxing and preserves thoughts and ideas for future reference.
  9.  Range/Refrigerator — those wonderful kitchen appliances.  Gone are the days of purchasing a block of ice and having it put into your “ice box,” although I do have an antique one in my garage.  Pull refrigerated or frozen food out of your refrigerator and cook it on your range, either on the burners or in the oven.  No hauling wood and estimating the temperature.  Push those buttons, wait for the “ding” to tell you it has reached the appropriate baking temperature and pop it in, then set the automatic timer to let you know when to remove it.  Convenience.
  10.  Washer/Dryer — laundry at its finest.  No hauling water, timing the cleaning of your clothes in proper order, whites to darks because you are re-using the water, then running it through the ringer to get the water out before hauling the basket out to the washline to hang the items to dry.  Although I will admit, I love the smell of clothes dried outside on a line.  Now I throw the clothes in my washer, add the detergent and fabric softner, set which type of wash it is –colored, towels, handwash, etc. — and push the start button.  I don’t even have to select how much water is needed, the machine weighs my laundry and makes that determination for me.   Laundry is now an load here, load there, convenience instead of an all day job.
  11.  Microwave — remember when these came out?  Convenience.  They were big, bulky, but fast.  Was it safe?  Who cared – it was a quick way to get things heated.  I will admit that the majority of my cooking is done the old-fashioned way, on a range, oven, or crock-pot.  However one cannot beat the microwave for warming up beverages, popping popcorn, reheating leftovers, or other quick-fix items.  It has made day-to-day life very easy.

    I know, I’m over the limit, not only do I have 11 items on my list, but on some I cheated and doubled up.  Once the mind got rolling it was hard to narrow down the items, and even now I can think of more.  What about crock pots/slow cookers, electricity, flashlights, gas grills, and more.  As soon as I send this I’m going to think — why didn’t I put such-and-such in?

    What are the items you can’t imagine life without?  What are the ten items you can’t live with out?

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Attitude Analysis

Your attitude, the way you think or feel, is generally reflected in your behavior.   Your own personal demeanor affects the way people view and respond to you.  The attitude of people around you has an impact on the way you respond and behave toward them.  I believe that temperament impacts people both emotionally and physically, and for that reason a positive attitude is important to a person’s emotional well-being.

attitude - focus on possibilitiesYour own personal attitude has a great impact on how you feel throughout the day and your overall outlook on life.  If you feel that life has thrown you the scrungy bone and you must gnaw away at it, you will likely make very little progress and will feel depressed, over burdened and uninspired about life.  Not only will your attitude leave you feeling low, but it will be portrayed in your dealings with others, and may leave them feeling oppressed by emotions as well.

Alternatively if you go through your day with a positive attitude, knowing that no matter what happens things are going to improve, your positive outlook will not only keep you emotionally stable, it will affect those around you as well.  Why?  Because with a positive mindset you maintain an emotionally healthy attitude, and that positive outlook is well received by all around you.  Attitude - how a man treats others

The attitude a person portrays has great impact on how others perceive them.  This is frequently most obvious when dealing with economic differences.  A person’s temperament  when interacting with those he/she perceives to be below their social class is one of the most obvious insights into a person’s character.  Stiffness, curt politeness, a lack of genuine friendliness or outright rudeness is evident in those who think themselves better than others.  Far greater is the person who realizes those differences yet treats all with kindness and compassion.

If you have the opportunity to take part in a gathering in which there are a wide range of economic levels sit back and enjoy the show.  People of money may snub those who they view as being below them.  Those who are of lower income ranges may be intimidated by the social status and obvious wealth of others.   The true judge of character in this type of setting is the person of wealth who treats those who are Attitude - how you react to itstruggling economically with consideration, kindness, and as an equal.  This is a person of great integrity.  They recognize that they have obtained wealth, but they do not fault those around them that have been unable to achieve that goal.

It is important that a person maintain a positive attitude as that is crucial to success, and the key to success is belief in one’s own ability.  This does not mean you will always achieve your goals.  The key to keeping positive is to always be striving for something.  Regardless of whether or not you succeed, attitude is at least 50% of the battle.  There is a saying, “Whether you believe you can or believe you can’t, either Attitude - the one you feedway you are right.”  That is how strongly attitude affects your ability to succeed in whatever you set out to accomplish.

As you go through life keep your attitude in check.  Think about how it affects your own emotional well being.  Think about how it affects the emotional well-being of others.  Don’t focus on problems, focus on possibilities.   Keep your integrity about you and let it guide you in how you handle interactions with others.  Think positive.  Believe in yourself.  Believe in others.  A positive attitude will take you farther than you ever dreamed possible.

 

 

 

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Realities of Racial Profiling

I am and always have been a reader.  On occasion I will read something which has a profound impact on me.  This is the case with a book I recently finished,  Native Son by Richard Wright.

Native Son, a novel published in 1940, tells the story of “Bigger”, an African American boy who represents the oppression of their race during that era.  A lot of progress has been made in the past 75 or so years since the book was written, but the treatment of  persons of African-American decent by the white race during that time period is disgraceful.EPSON MFP image

While we all know that there are prejudicial attitudes in this country as demonstrated in recent times by the brutality shown against black men by those of law enforcement without just cause, we at least have progressed to a point where derogatory terminology and failing to recognize the race as having intelligence on the equivalent with others is no longer accepted.

The novel takes place twenty years prior to my birth.  Growing up in the 1960’s I remember racial riots, derogatory references to the race in general, and other such behavior, but not to the degree which I encountered in this book.  What I found most disturbing was the de-humanizing of the race in general.  They were compared to apes, considered to be so lacking in intelligence that they could not plan anything.  After being arrested they were rushed through the judicial system without sufficient time for proper trial preparation and were tried in front of a jury panel of all white men.

racismIf you research racial injustice for the 1940’s you will find that the treatment of “Bigger” portrayed in the novel is a very accurate representation of the mindset during that era.  Lynchings were common for anything and everything considered inappropriate.  NAACP members campaigning to get those of African American decent the vote where removed from their homes and lynched.  A 26-year old man was lynched for failing to address a police officer as “Mr.”  If a white woman was attacked it was assumed that a black man had committed the crime and the “suspect” would often be captured and lynched.  Justice did not prevail.

White workers would strike or riot against any black man that received even a minimal promotion at work.  A 15-year old boy was lynched for writing a card that revealed his crush on a white girl.  A 14-year old was sent to the electric chair after being accused in the disappearance of white girls and a 16-year old went to the electric chair after being convicted of killing a pharmacist; he was not properly represented at trial.  The list goes on, but this sampling gives you a taste of what life was like for those of African American decent in the 1940s.racial-profiling-we-were-all-the-human-race

In all fairness I must mention that those of black skin tone are not the only race the white Americans have discriminated against.  President Roosevelt issued an executive order after the bombing of Pearl Harbor and all of Japanese decent were gathered and placed in camps that were the equivalent of prisons.  They were surrounded by barbed wire and conditions were deplorable.  Latinos were beaten by soldiers because it was assumed they were the cause of crime in California.   The discrimination continues to this day.

Even now many white American’s behave in a discriminatory manner against those of other nationalities.  It doesn’t matter whether they are of Mexican/Spanish decent, Asian, African, Calderon, or any other nationality, if they do not have white skin they have most likely suffered some form of racial profiling and/or discrimination.

Why do the white Americans think that they are better than others?  The white man invaded this country and then forced the Native Americans away from their territory. From the time they set foot on this land white men have forced their way into control and oppression of those of a different cultural. religious or financial background.  The white man has proven himself to be a race of bullies.

racial-profiling-we-are-the-human-raceWe have come a long way in the acceptance of others since the 1940’s when Native Son was written….a book in which a 17 year old boy was sent to the electric chair for the murder of a wealthy white girl.  Although the book is a fictional writing, is is a very good replication of the era in which it was created.  Although those of African American decent are now given the same rights of due process as all others, discriminatory behavior continues to exist.

Every race has persons who have good behavior and persons who exhibit bad behavior.  The realities of racial profiling are evidenced in the behavior seen on our own TV screens and the treatment those of non-white race are frequently subject to…and far too often by those who are supposed to uphold the law. When will the American white citizen learn to treat all other American citizens as equals and not make assumptions on the way a person will behave based on the color of their skin?    That is a question that will likely remain unanswered for a long time.

EPSON MFP image

The back cover of Native Son

 

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If Unsigned It Lacks Value

I received a typed note in the mail this week, no return address, no signature.  What does this tell me?  That the person does not wholeheartedly believe what they say.  They want to give their opinion, but lack the strength to put their name on it.  They are weak and so must lash out in anger.

The letter, which I have attached hereto as a photo, refers to a column I wrote about the Port Huron Float Down back in August, so it took the writer this long to actually get up the guts to mail it.  Since that Float down post I have have written two other columns, one about St. Clair, but that evades this person’s knowledge.  Why?  Because they aren’t paying attention, they are simply lashing out.  lettr-people-speaking-the-truth

For those of you who may not know, I am an opinion columnist.  I give my opinion on whatever subject I choose.  I do not write editorials, I am not a journalist.  The person I criticized in my opinion column posted a Facebook post on his own page that was at least three paragraphs long.

I normally don’t respond to comments about my column, but people were criticizing me as not being a professional journalist – and I’m not.  They accused me of calling that person names, such as idiot, which I had not….other people had in their posts.  The column I wrote had over 837 shares on Facebook alone, so it pretty good circulation and a lot of comments supportive to my opinion, negative on the other person, who happens to be a public figure/city mayor.

Even at that I would not have even known about the post if it were not for the fact that  people, including the mayor’s wife, tagged me in their comments.   I did respond, pointing out that I am not a journalist or editorialist, I am an opinion columnist.  I gave them the link to the article where the mayor had been interviewed, and pointed out that my opinion column specifically referenced the other article.  It is those facts that this writer is so angry about.  They are so angry they have not been able to move past it.

So the letter has given me a good laugh.  Why?  Because I have moved on from that column and post.  This person has not.  I enjoy writing about controversial subjects because it gets people thinking, creates an interchange of opinions, it engages the mind.  That column achieved my goal.  The Mayor’s Facebook page had comments going on it for an entire day about the subject, and now several weeks later the writer of this letter has their mind still tied up in it, whereas I have moved on.

I do feel sorry for the writer of the letter though, because they lack the confidence and self-worth to put enough value on their own opinion to sign their name, yet they continue to stew in their anger.  That means my column achieved its ultimate goal.  The subject matter has stayed in the mind of at least one person and has them thinking about it.

As for me, I’m contemplating what the next item of interest will be.  I do love getting peoples minds thinking.

letter-unsigned-september-2016023

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Too Busy for Friends

I saw a quote that made me wonder about friendships/relationships.  The quote dealt with people who make excuses that they are too busy to respond or don’t put forth an effort to maintain contact.  If a person is interested in being a part of your life, then they will make some effort to be in it.  life - if someone wants to be in it they will make time

This involved both self reflection and viewpoint on people I deal with.  I realized that because my husband and I enjoyed spending the majority of our free time together without the involvement of others I am in the habit of doing things on my own rather than calling a friend to go with me.  Now that my husband is deceased I need to train myself to make contact with people, become more social.  Habits are hard to break and I am concerned that people may view my lack of initiating contact as lack of interest.  I need to break the mold and step outside my safety box into new thinking.

I realize that people who reached out to me about getting together for dinner, etc. may think I’m not interested in maintaining the friendship when I don’t reciprocate with similar suggestions,  when in reality it is because I need to reprogram my brain to reach out to others for friendship.  I will say that when people suggest a get together I am happy to join them.  I am also responsive on social media or email, and will make first contact on social media.  I am not totally unsocial, I just have areas that need improvement.  I did take a step in the right direction last week when a couple artists were talking about going out to dinner after an event and I asked if I could join them.   It was a wonderful, fun evening.

life - ignoring you - will you make an effortNow on the other side of the coin, we all know people we have made the effort to maintain contact with and yet the responses are not forthcoming or we get excuses of “I was going to write/call/respond but have been busy.”  I can understand that from time to time, but when the lack of response become repetitive you have to wonder where you fall on their list of friendship priorities.  Somewhere you have to draw the line and decide you are moving on and if they want to be a part of your life they will notice your disappearance and seek you out.  If they don’t you haven’t lost anything.  Life - Priorities - your place on their schedule

We live in a busy, fast-paced world where people don’t interact on a personal level so much as on a social media level.  We need to re-establish the art of friendship.  Reach out to people.  Respond when they reach out to you.  When you are with a friend put down the phone and talk to the person you are with.  Make people you want to spend time with a priority in your life.  If people don’t make you a priority in theirs then you know where you stand and it is time to move on.

 

 

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The Gift You Are

This morning I was listening to some music and the song The Gift You Are by John Denver came on.  It is a wonderfully simple, basic song and yet it says so much.  Each person has value, each person is like a ray of sunshine in the world.  How often this is forgotten.

There are two things we tend to do.  The first is we tend to lose value in ourselves.  It is easy to become overwhelmed with the stresses of life, especially when things are not going according to the plan we laid out.  It is easy to lose faith in your own ability to accomplish those things that are before you.

Sometimes it is not so much losing faith in yourself as disconnecting from the world, withdrawing as you try to deal with whatever is before you.  That is when it is important to dream of a bright tomorrow and know that your dream will come true.  Stay focused, remember that you have the ability to accomplish whatever you set your mind to…remember The Gift You Are.

The second thing we as humans tend to do is judge others, or maybe I should say misjudge others.  We tend to make assumptions about the abilities of people who do not seem to have the same beliefs, mental abilities, physical abilities, or financial standing as ourselves.  When you do that what you are doing is devaluing the person.

Every person that you encounter has value, you just have to take the time to learn what that value is…maybe that value is they are just different from you and both of you can learn from the relationship.  A person with less mental capabilities may have strong determination to succeed, strong artistic talent, an unusual gentleness with animals.  Those are valuable qualities.   A person with physical disabilities may have undergone a struggle you are unaware of that shows their ability to persevere in times of struggle. These are valuable qualities, remember the gift that each person is.

People are people.  Every person has value.  Remember as you go through life The Gift You Are and remember that every person you encounter is also a gift and if they are struggling remind them of the gift they are.

Link to the song The Gift You Are by John Denver.  Lyrics are below.

The Gift You Are
by John Denver

Imagine a month of Sundays
Each one a cloudy day
Imagine the moment the sun came shining through
Imagine that ray of sunshine as you

Remember your darkest hour
With dawn still far away
Remember the way that you longed for mornings light
And think of yourself as a candle in the night

Make believe this is the first day
Everything all brand new
Make believe that the sun is your own lucky star
And then understand the kind of gift you are

The gift you are
Like the very first breath of spring
The gift you are
All the joy that love can bring

The gift you are
All of our dreams come true
The gift you are
The gift of you

You are the promise of all the ages
You are the Prodigal Son
You are the vision of prophets and sages
You are the only one

Dream of a bright tomorrow
Know that your dream will come true
Carry your dream in a sparkling crystal jar
Then you will know the kind of gift you are

The gift you are
Like the very first breath of spring
The gift you are
All the joy that love can bring

The gift you are
All of our dreams come true
The gift you are
The gift of you

The gift you are
Like the very first breath of springtime
The gift you are
All the joy that love can bring

The gift you are
All of our dreams come true, yes, they do
The gift you are
The gift of you
The gift you are
The gift of you

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