Category Archives: reality

Friend Frustration

It is a difficult dilemma, deciding how you want to handle a friendship that has times that are good and times that are frustrating.  This was a difficult situation, one which I contemplated over for literally months.  I hope the end result has a positive outcome.  The ultimate deciding factor was based on two areas that came into play….the friend’s emotional needs and my emotional needs.

This friendship is long-term.  We were very close for eight years, then completely out of contact for twenty-nine years.  In 2009 we connected on Facebook, doing the occasional Instant-Messenger chat, commenting on each other’s posts from time-to-time.  Nothing major.  Just casual contact.   That all changed in 2015.

In 2015 I was making regular trips back to my hometown to work on cleaning out my parent’s home.  My friend suggested we go out to dinner, and after about three months I finally agreed.  It was like deja vu.  Friends - someone is special when you eventually get together again and its like you didn't miss a beat

He picked me up at my parent’s home, which had the same furniture it did when he last set foot in it back in 1980.  We had a great time chatting about his marriage and kids, my husband’s battle with cancer and my kids.  We talked about our siblings and parents.  A connection that went way back.  It was a wonderful evening and after dinner we went back to the house, I invited him in and we continued to talk for a couple more hours before he went home.

It was a connection we were glad was re-established.  Throughout that summer I was making frequent trips into town hand he would on occasion stop by and visit for a couple hours.  It was a nice friendship, familiar, comfortable, but different.  We also maintained contact with conversations on Instant Messenger and an occasional telephone call.

We both realized that there was still an attraction there.  However we were both married and did not step outside of the boundaries of respective marriages.  Then the playing field changed.  My husband lost his battle with cancer.  We maintained the messenger and telephone contact for about three months, and then it tapered off.  He stopped responding to emails or instant messages for extended periods of time.

Friends - someone who speaks to you on their free time v someone who frees time to speak to youI found this frustrating as he suffers from depression and I would wonder how he was doing.  Then suddenly I would receive an email or message.  There were always reasons for his disappearance…busy, kids, grandchildren, sickness, depression…but were they reasons, or excuses?   In my opinion there is a fine line between the two, and I wasn’t quite sure on which side it fell.  Things would improve for a bit but eventually would fall back into the old pattern.

After a while I decided I wasn’t going to continue to pursue a one-sided friendship in which I always initiated the contact.  Instead I would wait and see what happened, and each time I did that I would ultimately receive a message from him usually by email.  He would apologize for his lack of contact and say he had been busy, sick, depressed, whatever, always wanting to preserve the friendship.  And so the cycle went.  This became a roller coaster ride that was irritating.  I didn’t like the feeling that I was making the effort and he was responding when it suited him.  I want the friendship, but not on those terms.  friendship - ignore me and I will ignore you

March 30th of this year rolled around and I received another email.   This one got down to the emotional nitty-gritty, it was honest.  The best one I’ve received because it got to the core of the situation.   He wants to remain friends, but the line is grey for him right now.  There are a lot of factors I am aware of but am not going to elaborate on.  Let’s just say that email put everything into perspective.  He is trying to get his mind straight and I have to be removed from the picture for now.  I’m good with that.  He closed with “Hopefully your friend.”

So what did I do?  I responded.  I don’t know if my response helped or hurt him in his situation, but it helped me in mine.  I was honest.  I told him we are still friends but that I find the friendship frustrating, that a person’s interest in maintaining a friendship is related to their response or lack thereof.   I pointed out that they say ex-lovers can be friends for one of two reasons:  either they were never in love or they still are.  That is the grey area.  I have accepted my grey area and can live with it.  A ghost from the past is not the reality of the present.  We are both different people than we were in 1980.

Then I tossed the ball in his court.  I can handle the give-and-take of being friends, but it is his decision on whether to respond and maintain the friendship.  If he decides to respond great.  If not I move on and don’t worry about it.  This decision was based on my emotional needs, not his, but it also supports his need for distance at this time.

So now I wait.  We are still connected on Facebook.  He has “liked” a couple of my posts; I have “liked” a couple of his.  Do I hope he contacts me at some point in the future?  Absolutely.  I will always be his friend, that is a given.  He is intelligent, funny, challenges the brain.  We have a past, a comfort level of true friends, a connection that can not be replaced.

I hope that right now we are just taking a break and that eventually the friendship is re-established on a more personal level.  However I will not allow my emotions to feel trampled by the friendship.  That is also a given and I have made that clear to him through my actions.

And that, my friends, is how you deal with a frustrating friendship.

 

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Filed under communication, Coping, decisions, Discoveries, freindship, friends, friendship, habit, impressions, Life Changing, Life is a Melting Pot, mind, reality, time

Lingering Loneliness

This came as a surprise.  For the most part this is not something I experience.  I have adjusted to living on my own and consider myself happy in my current lifestyle.  I don’t know if it was the depression of days upon days of gloomy skies and rain, being overly tired from a month that was exceptionally busy and had me feeling overwhelmed,  or the fact that I came down with a horrendous head-cold.  Whatever it was, from out of the shadows loneliness attacked.

In reflecting back I think it was a huge melting pot of all those various factors.  It was rainy, wet, gloomy and cold.  Not my kind of weather at all.  Too many days of drizzly skies compounded the fact that my lawn was getting way too long and between the rain, a trip out of town for a memorial service, and my mower being buried in a shed where it was difficult for me to access, I was frustrated with not being able to get the lawn done.  Then the neighbor mowed his lawn and it made mine look just that much worse.   I don’t like having bad “curb appeal,” but I had and still have a negative “curb appeal” going.

I have been attending physical therapy three times a week, buried at work, and between the two have been more tired than normal.  I have crashed on the couch quite often in the evenings instead of getting things done.  That added to my frustration as my “to-do” list is impossible to complete and lack of energy aggravated me further.Loneliness is my least favorite thing

Suddenly I came down with a massive head cold.  I couldn’t breath, my nose was runny, and I had the chills.  As I lay in my bed shivering the loneliness enveloped me.   For thirty-four years whenever I was sick and had the chills Ron would wrap himself around me and the combination of body heat and human touch would help me to relax and go to sleep.   Now he is gone and I was alone and couldn’t sleep.  That is when it hit.

Ron always handled the yard work and now it is mine to do.  I’m frustrated over not having it done the way I want it.  Landscaping Ron was going to tear out and re-do didn’t get done and it needs to be changed.  The grass isn’t mowed and trimmed the way it should be.  There are things left in the drive, yard and garage from Ron’s scrapping days that I simply want gone.    It has me feeling overwhelmed, angry with myself for not being as fast and efficient at getting it done as he was.  Irritated at the mess I have to deal with.

Weekends were almost always spent together.  Ron and I would get up, have breakfast together and the conversation was always “What are we going to do today?”  Festivals, special events, arts and craft shows, or just going somewhere to shoot pictures.  Photography was a constant part of our lives.  Now I lack motivation.  My weekends are just me.  No one to have breakfast with, plan my day with, or go places with.  Just me doing whatever I want, alone.  On the weekends when I do get out of the house and go somewhere I feel much better, but self-motivation is difficult.

LonelinessBoy, does this sound like a major pity-party or what!  The fact of it is, I am alone.  I have to figure out how to juggle the yard work and get it done.  I have to eat alone, plan my own weekends, get out and be active by myself.  When I’m sick and have chills, that’s the way it goes.  I’m alone and I have to deal with it.    That is life.  That is reality.    Pity-Party over.

So am I lonely or was I just having a moment?  Probably a combination of both.  I don’t feel loneliness on a day-to-day basis.  I have enjoyed adjusting to life on my own.  If someone asked I would tell them I am happy with my life and it would be true.  Will I continue to have moments when loneliness hits me?  Most likely.  Do I want to spend the rest of my life alone?  Not really.  I would prefer to someday find someone who has similar interests and with whom I can share my days and a home with.  Until that time arrives I shall continue as I am and I shall be happy, because happy is the best way to be.

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Filed under Coping, decisions, Discoveries, environmental, Family, habit, home, Illness, impressions, Life Changing, Life is a Melting Pot, memoir, mind, reality

10 Things I Can’t Live Without

When I stumbled across this statement it intrigued me.  Look around you.  You are living with dozens of “must have” items that did not exist 30, 50, 75 or 100 years ago.  Think of all the modern conveniences you use on a daily basis.  Which 10 things are most important, those items you can not live without?

There is so much we take for granted.  Things that in my lifetime have gone from non-existent to everyday use.  As I went through my day I thought about the things I was using.  What would life be like without this convenience?  That is how I came up with my list of 10 Things I Can’t Live Without.

  1.  Hot Water Heater — I know, pretty basic.  This occurred to me as I was climbing into my nice hot shower.  Before they existed people had to haul water in and heat it on a stove, then pour it into a tub and take a bath.  All that work just to get clean!  That brings me to my second item.
  2.  The Shower — before someone figured out how to force water up through a pipe and out above your head, everyone took baths.  Some people still do.  Some find it relaxing to climb into a tub and while away in a nice soak.  Not me.  I am a shower person hands-down.  One of the great inventions, and you don’t have to haul or boil water to receive it.
  3. Furnace — convenient heat.  No hauling wood, building a fire, having it die down overnight and waking up to a chilly home.  My furnace that I set at a temperature I want it to be at and it conveniently kicks on and off throughout the day and night to maintain the temperature of my home.  The convenience of warmth, or coolness if you also have air conditioning.
  4. Automobile — the ability to walk out, get into my vehicle and drive wherever I need to be.  It has heat.  It has air conditioning.  I can listen to the radio or news.  It protects me from the wind, rain, snow, cold, heat.  It gets me where I need to go quickly.  I can’t imagine life without the convenience of my vehicle.
  5. Internet — now I know there are people who live without being connected to the internet, or do they?  People are connected through their phones so they are never really not connected, just maybe not through a computer at home.  However I use the internet at work, at home, for staying in touch with family and friends, for gathering information, planning trips, mapping out routes, maintaining the website where I have my photographs, and writing this blog.  So much of what I do involves around the internet I would be very limited in what I do without it.  In fact when the power goes out, there is a tremendous amount of things I can’t do at home or work.
  6. Cell Phone — gone are the days of a phone attached to a wall with a 16-foot cord.  We now carry our phones with us everywhere we go.  It allows us to be in connection with others through phone calls, text messages, and social networks.  We use it as a computer, for navigation, for information, as a clock, as an alarm, stopwatch, to get news updates and weather reports.  The cell phone is a multi-use tool that we have all become dependent on to keep us in check as we go through the day.  How did we ever manage to live and survive without it?
  7. My Camera — I know, a weird one to pop up in this list.  A camera is the window to the world, past and present.  The images you capture hold forever in time a moment that will never again be repeated.  It is your memories held for generations to come.  Walking and looking around you, taking photographs of whatever captures your eye is relaxing.  I do the same thing driving, I see something, I stop and photograph it.  It is relaxing.  It is preservation of time.  It is important to me.
  8.  Paper and Pen — writing tools.  I can write without a computer.  I quite often write things by hand and later transcribe them into a typed format.  Why?  Because if traveling it is easier to pack paper and pen than my laptop.  Writing by hand slows the brain down, it causes you to spend more time formulating your thoughts.  It is not as easy to go back, erase and re-write if you are using paper and pen.  This is another activity that is relaxing and preserves thoughts and ideas for future reference.
  9.  Range/Refrigerator — those wonderful kitchen appliances.  Gone are the days of purchasing a block of ice and having it put into your “ice box,” although I do have an antique one in my garage.  Pull refrigerated or frozen food out of your refrigerator and cook it on your range, either on the burners or in the oven.  No hauling wood and estimating the temperature.  Push those buttons, wait for the “ding” to tell you it has reached the appropriate baking temperature and pop it in, then set the automatic timer to let you know when to remove it.  Convenience.
  10.  Washer/Dryer — laundry at its finest.  No hauling water, timing the cleaning of your clothes in proper order, whites to darks because you are re-using the water, then running it through the ringer to get the water out before hauling the basket out to the washline to hang the items to dry.  Although I will admit, I love the smell of clothes dried outside on a line.  Now I throw the clothes in my washer, add the detergent and fabric softner, set which type of wash it is –colored, towels, handwash, etc. — and push the start button.  I don’t even have to select how much water is needed, the machine weighs my laundry and makes that determination for me.   Laundry is now an load here, load there, convenience instead of an all day job.
  11.  Microwave — remember when these came out?  Convenience.  They were big, bulky, but fast.  Was it safe?  Who cared – it was a quick way to get things heated.  I will admit that the majority of my cooking is done the old-fashioned way, on a range, oven, or crock-pot.  However one cannot beat the microwave for warming up beverages, popping popcorn, reheating leftovers, or other quick-fix items.  It has made day-to-day life very easy.

    I know, I’m over the limit, not only do I have 11 items on my list, but on some I cheated and doubled up.  Once the mind got rolling it was hard to narrow down the items, and even now I can think of more.  What about crock pots/slow cookers, electricity, flashlights, gas grills, and more.  As soon as I send this I’m going to think — why didn’t I put such-and-such in?

    What are the items you can’t imagine life without?  What are the ten items you can’t live with out?

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Filed under assumptions, Discoveries, habit, Life Changing, Life is a Melting Pot, reality, time, Uncategorized

Treat Time Properly

If you have been a reader for a while you know that I like quotes and sometimes use them as inspiration for my writing.  I stumbled upon the quote Self-help and in reading realized how well it fits me.  Self Help

How to stop time:  kiss.  This one shouldn’t need an explanation.  Lets just put it bluntly, kissing is a huge turn-on.  It can make time stand still or make it spin.  It is relaxing, comforting, exhilarating, exciting, enticing, enjoyable.  One of the best feel-good things there is.  Enjoy!

How to travel in time:  read.  Reading is a wonderful way to escape from the world.  Pick a subject, dive into a book and loose yourself as you travel to another world.  By selection of topic you can go anywhere, into the past, into the future, travel in outer space, get lost solving a crime or be entranced by romance.  The world is yours and the choice is yours on where in time you travel.  Pick a destination and explore.

How to escape time:  music.  Music has the ability to make you feel good and get the body moving.  It is energizing and relaxing, happy, and sad.  It can wake you up; it can put you to sleep.  It can create elicit memories of the past or help you dream of possibilities for the future.   There are no rules.  All you have to do is feel…enjoy the beat, sway to the rhythm, let the mind wander, escape reality, let the music flow as you escape in time.

How to feel time:  write.  I think this one is mis-labeled.  I don’t feel time when I write so much as I lose time, or rather loose track of time.   Anyone who is a writer, who truly enjoys writing, knows the feeling of becoming absorbed in their writing and not wanting to stop until all those thoughts that are in their brain course down through their arms, into their fingertips and onto paper.  Those thoughts must be put down and preserved.   If you want to lose time, write.

How to release time:  breathe.   How true this is, and how very important it is to understand.  You release time when you breathe.   When you breathe you release stress, refocus, re-energize, maintain balance.   You let time fade away and you regain your life.  To have a balanced, enjoyable life you have to allow yourself to breath and release time.

The answer to self-help is time.  Time to enjoy all the aspects of life.  Time to escape all the stress of life.  Time to be whatever you want to be.  Read something that exhilarates the mind.  Kiss with tenderness; kiss with passion.  Grab someone and sway to the music.  Breathe.  Relax. Enjoy.  Then put all those memories on paper.

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Filed under communication, Coping, decisions, Discoveries, exploration, Life is a Melting Pot, mind, reality, Writing

My Astrological Sign Causes Sleep Deprevation

I climb into bed at 12:30 am and lie there awake, tossing and turning, unable to sleep.  I look at the clock, it is 1:30 am, 2:15 am, 3:00 am, 4:30 am….I get up at 6:00, this is not good!  That is how I spent several nights in a row a couple weeks ago.  Every night, tossing and turning, the mind churning away.  Then I realized the problem, I am a Libra.

I can hear many of you going huh?  You are wondering how an astrological sign can create sleep deprivation.  I am a Libra, the sign is the scales of justice.  We like peace, fairness, everything in balance.  When the scales tip out of balance, or when a Libra personality thinks they may tip out of balance it is disturbing.

The part of the Libra personality that others often find very frustrating is that we are indecisive.  We want to weight all the options, keep everything in balance, and certainly don’t want to upset anyone else in the process.  When in a relationship the decision making process is easier because we can use the deferral method.

Anyone who has associated for long with a Libra will here “whatever you want,” “either one is okay,”  “What do you like?” “It’s up to you,” “I don’t care,” and so on.  Making a decision is so difficult we defer it to someone else.  This method works great as long as you have someone to defer to, but if you don’t the decision making process can be agonizing.Libra I Balance

That is what happened to me.  For the first time in my life I had to make decisions and in the process spend money…two things I am not good at.   Part of the problem is that I was making several decisions all in the same time frame and my mind went into a panic mode.   In the overall picture these were not major life-altering decisions, but in my Libra mind they had to be carefully weighed, checked, and then weighed again.  Heaven forbid something should go wrong.  And of course it did.

My cell phone was 2-1/2 years old and the battery wasn’t lasting.  I needed to replace the phone.  The question is which one to get?  For two weeks or more I analyzed them online, made lists, double checked features, and compared price.  I asked friends what they carried, I agonized over the decision, but finally I made a selection.  I go online to my cell phone carrier, make the selection, attempt to place the order, and the phone is not available and they don’t know when it will be available.     Back to the drawing board to make another selection, which I did and now have my new phone, but the decision making process was not easy.  To top it off I was also in the process of deciding to shut off my land-line phone and go to using only a cell phone.

So I had two decisions regarding phones causing my scales to wobble and tilt, and if that wasn’t enough I threw in another decision.  I had spent 1-2 months contemplating a trade-in of the car that had been my husband’s for a new car, something bigger.   The thought of trading his car that he had customized was hard, trying to decide whether I wanted to buy or lease, pick a color, pick the vehicle itself, and more were upsetting the harmonious flow through my brain.

Car buying was something I didn’t do.  My husband was a Ford retiree, there is no negotiating, tell them what you want, get a value for your trade-in, and close the deal.  The process was not difficult, very simple actually.  But the mind rolls, should I have traded his car, did I get a fair trade-in value, did I make a good decision on my new vehicle, did I make the right choice in upgrading to 12,000 miles per year, or should I have left it at 10,000.   It was four days from when I stopped and looked at vehicles to when I picked mine up; four days of agonizing over and justifying my decision.

Libra over thinkerAfter several nights with no sleep I finally realized what the problem was.  I wasn’t used to making these decisions.  I had always left them to my husband, but now with him gone I had to handle these things myself.  Once I realized that my mind was playing tricks on me and keeping me awake needlessly over decisions that were reasonable to make I was able to once again resume normal sleep.

Why did the realization of the problem allow me to sleep?  Because they were good, well-thought out decisions.  They are choices that are good for me, no one else.  When I realized I was lying awake trying to analyze my own decisions I was able to re-balance the scale, stop it from tipping and upsetting my sleep patterns, and resume a normal routine.

Will I ever get out of balance again?  Of course.  I am a Libra.  We are notoriously indecisive and while I may have balanced a couple small decisions in the large scale of things it is logical to realize that things will come up in which the scale is tilted.   Just keep in mind that if you ask me to make a decision you may hear “I don’t care” or “whatever you want” rather than a true answer.  That is how I keep my scale in balance.

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Filed under communication, decisions, Discoveries, exploration, Life is a Melting Pot, reality

The Power of Touch

The other night as I lay in bed for hours unable to fall asleep, my mind began circling and the result is the topic of this blog.  The power of touch is necessary to the well-being of the human soul, it can bring comfort, love, relaxation, excitement, security and more.

Touch - the first languageWhen a child is born touch brings it comfort.  You hold it, rock it, feed it.  You do those things when it is happy, you do those things when it is stressed.  The baby learns love thought the power of touch.  To an adult, there is nothing as unique and cozy as a small infant cuddled up against your neck sleeping.

As the infant grows into a toddler and young child touch makes them feel safe, secure, and loved.  They cuddle in your lap, hold your hand when walking in public places, hug you when you are leaving or have arrived, climb into your bed when they awaken at night.  The power of touch is important to the child’s emotional well-being and growth.

As the child becomes a teen their desire for touch moves away from the parents and more toward members of the opposite sex in their own age group.  Teens are often seen showing public displays of affection — hand holding, kissing, hugging, and more as hormones rage.  Touch is powerful.  touch - every day reach out and touch someone

As teens become adults outward public displays of affection calm down, but the need for them does not.  It just becomes more mature, more private.  Human touch provides a sense of security, love, and connection, especially when shared with a spouse or significant other.

Years ago I read that if you are having trouble sleeping you should touch your spouse or significant other.  Something as simple as placing a hand against their body will help you relax and fall asleep.  I found that it worked beautifully.  Although my husband and I quite often slept wrapped up around each other,  he would normally be asleep before I was in bed.  If I was having trouble falling asleep I would reach out and put my hand on him and usually within a few minutes I was able to doze off.  If he sensed me coming into bed he would roll over and cuddle up with me.  If one of us was sick the other would wrap up around the sick one, bringing body warmth and comfort.  Human touch heals and relaxes.

touch - cuddling relieves depressionThat is why I was writing this post in my head as I lay in bed awake a few nights ago.  My husband passed away fifteen months ago.  I couldn’t sleep and I was laying in a lonely bed.   I missed having someone there to cuddle up to, to touch, to help me relax so I could doze off.

It is important as time passes on and things in your life change that you remember to fulfill those things that are necessary to your physical and emotional well-being.  The power of human touch is important.  If it has disappeared from your life revitalize it through whatever means you deem appropriate.   The power of touch heals, empowers, and fulfills the emotional and physical needs to provide an overall sense of well-being.

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Filed under children, communication, Coping, Family, freindship, friends, friendship, grandchildren, home, Life is a Melting Pot, marriage, mind, parents, reality

Why Write?

I have always loved writing.  As a child I would make up stories and write them down.    I can remember standing and reading them to my mother.  I have no idea what happened to them, I wish I had them now.  I remember thinking how wonderful it would be to be an author someday.

As a child I participated in an activity that all writers do…I was an avid reader.  All writer’s read, and generally read in the genre in which they write.  I read a wide variety, but the majority of my reading is non-fiction and memoir.  Those are the categories in which I do the majority of my writing.  I also love reading travel, novels, drama, history, romance and mystery.  The only genres that I am not highly fond of are science fiction, fantasy and horror.

write - must read a lot and write a lot

When I was in my teens I thought about becoming a newspaper reporter and writing on-sight action news.  I wanted to be in the heart of whatever was going on, to put those stories into print.  Unfortunately I allowed my mother to talk me out of it.  She didn’t believe it was an appropriate career choice for a female.   Regrets, some.  But in a way my life is circling around to past dreams, just in a different direction.

As a young mother I took a correspondence class on writing magazine articles for children.  It was fun, interesting, and I l learned techniques and about the publishing world that could be applied to both adult or children’s literature.    Being married with a full-time job and two children, the writing got pushed to the back and was to a certain degree lost in the shuffle.  However during the years my children were young I wrote a “newsletter” for friends and family.  The “Grogan Gossip” was my reporting about the happenings of our life and activities of our children.  Except for the first one, I have every newsletter in chronological order in a notebook.  They are fun to go back and read.  Things long forgotten but saved permanently in the written format.  I still do the newsletter, but only once a year at Christmas in lieu of a Christmas card.

writing - articulating thoughts when speaking v writingWhen you are born a lover of the written word it never goes away, it just transitions over time.  Writing and literature go hand-in-hand.  My high school classes were filled with literature…classes in modern short stories, mysteries,  American literature, Advanced Grammar and Composition,   and more.  When I went back to college in 2010 one of my favorite classes was public speaking because I was writing whatever I chose to talk about.  It was fun!

I have difficulty expressing myself verbally, but I can easily put thoughts and feelings into the written word.  I have always been that way.  You simply bleed onto paper.  That is the way of a writer.   Once I start writing the thoughts just flow.  I can start out saying “I only have time for a quick note” and by the time I am finished I may have 3-4 typed pages.   Writing is as easy as breathing.writing - no time to write short letter so wrote a long one instead

While I have not yet worked my way into the world of published book author, I am writing a book about my family’s encounter with Child Protective Services that led to my husband and my attempt to become foster parents and apply to adopt our granddaughters.   It is a story that should be told.  Many of the injustices we encountered are a nationwide problem that most people are not aware of.  That is why I am writing that memoir.  It is with the hope that in reading our story others will be aware of the danger to family that Child Protective Services poses.  I also hope that maybe someday my granddaughters will encounter the book and realize they were very much wanted and were taken in an unjust way from family who loved them.

write what disturbs youI write in many formats.  I titled this blog Life is a Melting Pot because my life is a jumble of various activities and I like to write about whatever strikes me at the moment.  This blog is not the only regular writing I do.  For the past eight years I have held the position of newsletter editor of Bluewater Family Backgrounds, a publication of the St. Clair County Family History Group.  As the editor I gather content and put together the entire newsletter, writing some articles that go into it.  I have been writing a column called “Who AM I?” for the past five and one-half years for The Lakeshore Guardian, and local free publication.  The column is on genealogy.  I am in my fourth year as an opinion columnist for our local newspaper, The Times Herald.  I select my topics and how often I write a column, frequently selecting topics that can be a bit controversial.  Finally, my daytime job is that of Paralegal in which I spend my days doing legal writing.  All of the areas in which I write are slightly different and I enjoy each one.

writing - isn't about making moneyI belong to a Freelance Writer’s Group and at the meetings I see a variety of people with a wide range of interests.  The group includes people who write children’s stories, adult novels, travel columns, science fiction, non-fiction, memoir, and more.  We all have one thing in common…we love to write!  Writers are like any other type of artist, they are imaginative, creative, passionate about their art, well-read, self-promoters and self-starters.  Writing is something you do solo; you have to be motivated to write or you will never succeed.   Writers love words, language, and people watching.  Everything is a potential story or scene.  If you spend much time with a writer you may find yourself popping up in their stories, blogs, or columns.  You may not be there in name, but you will likely recognize a scene in which you have lived.

So why do I write?  Because it is something I love to do.  Because it is something I have always enjoyed.  I did it as a child and I can continue to do it throughout my life.  Laura Ingalls Wilder is my motivation.  She published her first book. Little House in the Big Woods in 1932 at age 65.  She completed the last book in her Little House series in 1943 at age 76.  Laura Ingalls Wilder died in 1957 at age 90, leaving behind incomplete manuscripts and her diary.  Some of those posthumous works were edited and published by her daughter, Rose.  Her legacy is my inspiration.  That is why I write.

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Filed under Activities, communication, decisions, employment, exploration, habit, hobbies, Life Changing, Life is a Melting Pot, memoir, reality, Writing

Happiness is…

love-is-side-by-sideI may be dating myself, but back in the 1970’s there were cute cartoon images, often portrayed by a little chubby couple, and quotes of “Love is…”  I was thinking of them the other day and it got me to wondering, what if we applied that formula to  happiness?  What makes a person happy?

I started jotting down things that make me happy.  There are so many simple things in life that bring pleasure.  I  suggest you make your own happy list.  You will realize how many wonderful things there are that bring joy to you every day.


Happiness is…

…a long weekend
…a cup of coffee and a good book
…a child’s laughter
…the smell of freshly mowed grasshappiness-is-a-family-vacation
…getting together with family
…a sunny day
…a day shooting pictures
…good friends
…the smell of lilacs
…a day scrapbooking
…time with grandchildren
…art fairs and craft shows
…children in costume yelling trick-or-treat
…singing and dancing to the radio
…planning a trip
…visiting somewhere you have never been
…traditions
…a warm summer day
…an old-fashioned country fair
… listening to a child’s viewpoint on life
…kettle korn popcorn and caramel apples
…time with your spouse, boyfriend/girlfriend, significant other
…the glow of a fireplace
…creating Easter baskets and watching the kids go through them
…the beauty of freshly fallen snow
…carnations
…watching a parade
…the sound of water along the shore
…snuggling under a warm blankethappiness-is-a-warm-blanket
…front porch sitting
…handwritten letters
…peanut butter on a spoon
…walking a nature trail
…relaxing in a hot tub
…the glow of a Christmas tree
…historical and cultural events
…memories
…discovering and learning about your ancestors
…doing RAKs (Random Acts of Kindness)
…unexpected surprises
…a feeling of accomplishment
…seeing my byline on writings
…writing, writing, writing

This isn’t the end.  The more I think, the more I realize a lot of things make me happy, bring a smile to my face.  I hope you have lots of things to put on your own “Happiness Is… ” list.

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Filed under communication, Discoveries, exploration, Family, Life is a Melting Pot, memoir, reality, time

Realities of Racial Profiling

I am and always have been a reader.  On occasion I will read something which has a profound impact on me.  This is the case with a book I recently finished,  Native Son by Richard Wright.

Native Son, a novel published in 1940, tells the story of “Bigger”, an African American boy who represents the oppression of their race during that era.  A lot of progress has been made in the past 75 or so years since the book was written, but the treatment of  persons of African-American decent by the white race during that time period is disgraceful.EPSON MFP image

While we all know that there are prejudicial attitudes in this country as demonstrated in recent times by the brutality shown against black men by those of law enforcement without just cause, we at least have progressed to a point where derogatory terminology and failing to recognize the race as having intelligence on the equivalent with others is no longer accepted.

The novel takes place twenty years prior to my birth.  Growing up in the 1960’s I remember racial riots, derogatory references to the race in general, and other such behavior, but not to the degree which I encountered in this book.  What I found most disturbing was the de-humanizing of the race in general.  They were compared to apes, considered to be so lacking in intelligence that they could not plan anything.  After being arrested they were rushed through the judicial system without sufficient time for proper trial preparation and were tried in front of a jury panel of all white men.

racismIf you research racial injustice for the 1940’s you will find that the treatment of “Bigger” portrayed in the novel is a very accurate representation of the mindset during that era.  Lynchings were common for anything and everything considered inappropriate.  NAACP members campaigning to get those of African American decent the vote where removed from their homes and lynched.  A 26-year old man was lynched for failing to address a police officer as “Mr.”  If a white woman was attacked it was assumed that a black man had committed the crime and the “suspect” would often be captured and lynched.  Justice did not prevail.

White workers would strike or riot against any black man that received even a minimal promotion at work.  A 15-year old boy was lynched for writing a card that revealed his crush on a white girl.  A 14-year old was sent to the electric chair after being accused in the disappearance of white girls and a 16-year old went to the electric chair after being convicted of killing a pharmacist; he was not properly represented at trial.  The list goes on, but this sampling gives you a taste of what life was like for those of African American decent in the 1940s.racial-profiling-we-were-all-the-human-race

In all fairness I must mention that those of black skin tone are not the only race the white Americans have discriminated against.  President Roosevelt issued an executive order after the bombing of Pearl Harbor and all of Japanese decent were gathered and placed in camps that were the equivalent of prisons.  They were surrounded by barbed wire and conditions were deplorable.  Latinos were beaten by soldiers because it was assumed they were the cause of crime in California.   The discrimination continues to this day.

Even now many white American’s behave in a discriminatory manner against those of other nationalities.  It doesn’t matter whether they are of Mexican/Spanish decent, Asian, African, Calderon, or any other nationality, if they do not have white skin they have most likely suffered some form of racial profiling and/or discrimination.

Why do the white Americans think that they are better than others?  The white man invaded this country and then forced the Native Americans away from their territory. From the time they set foot on this land white men have forced their way into control and oppression of those of a different cultural. religious or financial background.  The white man has proven himself to be a race of bullies.

racial-profiling-we-are-the-human-raceWe have come a long way in the acceptance of others since the 1940’s when Native Son was written….a book in which a 17 year old boy was sent to the electric chair for the murder of a wealthy white girl.  Although the book is a fictional writing, is is a very good replication of the era in which it was created.  Although those of African American decent are now given the same rights of due process as all others, discriminatory behavior continues to exist.

Every race has persons who have good behavior and persons who exhibit bad behavior.  The realities of racial profiling are evidenced in the behavior seen on our own TV screens and the treatment those of non-white race are frequently subject to…and far too often by those who are supposed to uphold the law. When will the American white citizen learn to treat all other American citizens as equals and not make assumptions on the way a person will behave based on the color of their skin?    That is a question that will likely remain unanswered for a long time.

EPSON MFP image

The back cover of Native Son

 

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A Year Of Changes

learn-free-to-be-meIf you have been a reader for a while you know that my husband, Ron,  passed away December 7, 2015 and since that time I have been adjusting to living on my own.  In reflecting on myself now, plans for the future and introspection of the past I have learned a few things.

I am capable of living alone, and doing it comfortably.  When I met Ron I was 19 and living at home with my parents.  I got married,  moved in with Ron and had never lived alone.  I originally found the idea of living solo terrifying but had no choice.    What I have learned is that living on my own has its benefits.  I can set the thermostat where I want and it stays there.  I can blast the radio at 2 am if I chose without having to worry about disturbing anyone else.  I can eat what I want when I want and not have to worry about anyone else.  I can re-arrange and hang photos and other artwork on the walls, removing things that were never my choice to begin with and adding new items that appeal to me.   I can move, add,  eliminate or change anything I chose without wondering if another person is going to like the change.

learn-to-be-happy-aloneAlthough I never paid attention to our finances and had no interest in knowing about them, I am perfectly capable of paying bills, applying for mortgage modifications, listing property for sale, and making decisions on financial assets.   I’m not blindly doing what Ron told me to do as he was dying.  I’m evaluating my own circumstances and making a decision that I feel comfortable with.   My goal for the future is to learn how the stock market and investments work, to understand how to diversify and what everything means  so I can make informed choices.  Hopefully  I will get a grasp on this within the next decade.  I’m really walking in uncharted territory here.

I can now run a riding lawn mower, a weed wacker, call a plumber, take vehicles in for routine maintenance, find and hire repair persons for things such as air conditioning. However I have no intention of learning to run the snowblower.  That thing is just too big.  I’ll kill myself shoveling first.  I even look at the Harbor Freight and Tractor Repair sales flyers now in case there is something I need.  Okay, I’ll admit my big purchase this year was two tarps, but we all have to start somewhere.  learn-dance-in-the-rain

One big surprise, I like to cook.  I know that sounds funny after 34 years of marriage, but I thought I didn’t like cooking.  I have been cooking for myself for a year now and I realize  that I like it.  For the majority of our marriage Ron did all the cooking.  Over the years I told people didn’t like doing day-to-day rush home from work an cook a meal, but I liked doing the larger family meals.  I recently said those words to someone but later in the evening it occurred to me that the statement isn’t true.  I don’t mind cooking for myself at all.  I love grilling entire meals in the summer months.  So why the change in my thoughts?

learn-something-newWhat I have discovered is that it wasn’t the cooking I disliked, it was that Ron always had a criticism of some sort and tended to hover, questioning why I did things the way I did, telling me I should do things differently than I did.  Nothing was ever quite good enough, there was always a “why didn’t you…”  Basically, he thought I should cook just  like him.  After a while I tired of the negativity and simply walked away and left it to him.  He cooked, I cleaned up, and it worked.

Since Ron’s passing I have discovered that I enjoy cooking.  I like throwing foods together to see what I like, mixing different combinations.  If they are all watching from above there are three cooks in heaven that are probably surprised at what they see.

I would say Ron is probably shocked at the things I fix; that I enjoy the cooking and especially like grilling.  My Mother-in-Law is probably happy to see me not measuring, just dumping in many instances.  I learned early in my marriage that if you called her for a recipe she didn’t measure, it was  “till it looks right.”  My father was a great cook.  When he saw me go into the basement and gather an assortment of ingredients, throw them into a pot and end up with a soup he was probably going “hell ya, that’s the way to cook.”  One of my greatest memories is when he cleaned out the refrigerator and made “chili” with the leftovers.  How many people have eaten chili with spaghettio’s floating in it?  I have!learn-who-you-are

When it comes to traveling alone I have mixed feelings.  It is nice because if I want to wander around and/or make frequent stops to take pictures I can do that without any complaints.  Ron and I were both photographers and did that all the time, but the average person does not take pleasure in such activities or delays.

On the other hand, traveling alone can be lonely.   If taking in a tourist attraction, such as wandering a museum or park, you are always alone.  No one to talk with, share discoveries with.   You are always eating alone, and so I always dine with a book.  There is no one sharing your hotel room, no one to sleep with. Maybe we shouldn’t go there.  Let’s just leave it at that.

So learning about me happened by learning to live alone.  What a difference a year has made.  The good, the bad, the indifferent.  What have I learned? I had a fantastic marriage.  I will have a fantastic future.  Different than I planned, but that’s okay.  I have made decisions that a year ago I would not have made.  I have made changes in my life that a year ago I would not have made.  Life was different then.  I was different then.  I am happy with my life, and that is all that matters.  Whatever happens, whatever life throws in my direction, I am ready.  Bring it on!

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Filed under anniversary, Coping, death, decisions, Discoveries, exploration, Family, food, habit, home, Life Changing, Life is a Melting Pot, marriage, Meals, memoir, mind, reality, time, vacation

Late, Early, or On Time?

I deal with a multitude of people every day, some who are almost always late, some who are on time, and some who arrive early.  Events that recently occurred in my private life got me to thinking about time.

Why is it some people are notoriously late for everything?  Is it their upbringing?  Are they disorganized and can’t seem to gather themselves together to arrive in a timely manner?   Do they think their time more valuable than others and allow themselves to become distracted?  Is it simply an inbred trait they are born with?time-person-running

I think it is all of the above.  Each person is unique and anyone that is habitually late may have any of the above factors playing into it, or a combination of several.  What does this do the the person who is habitually on time and going somewhere with a person who is habitually late?  It drives them crazy!  If you are an “on time” person and have to deal with an “always late” person on a regular basis, you have to learn to accept the fact that they are operating on their own time and not sweat the small stuff.

I was later told of a family arriving late at an event in which I was the center of attention. time-value-of-life One couple and their four children arrived late for my wedding and followed my father and me down the aisle during the processional.

I know one couple where the woman was notoriously late for everything, including her own wedding.  The couple was scheduled for a simple ceremony at the courthouse and all other weddings had been performed.  Lucky for them the Judge agreed to go ahead and perform theirs, even though they were beyond the appointed time.

How is it some people are always on time, meaning on the dot or 10-15 minutes early?  Have they been trained to be timely?  Is it a birth trait?  Are they by nature a courteous, considerate individual who value the time of others as much as their own?

Again, it can be one or all of the above.  Each person is unique and their life experiences affect their habits. I consider on-time people reliable.  You can count on them to be where they say they are going to be when they say they will be there.  Do they ever run late?  Of course, everyone does from time-to-time.  The difference is that it the exception, not the rule.

time-time-managementI am generally an on time person to slightly early person depending on what it is I am doing.  I work extremely close to home and generally arrive on-the-dot for that.  Other activities such as meetings I tend to arrive about 10 minutes in advance.  When did I develop this habit?  When I was a child.  In grade school I was at the building on the playground long before the bell rang to go in.  In Junior High (middle school) I was generally at the school about 15-30 minutes in advance, by high school I was there about an hour in advance, hanging with a group of other early arrivals.  We had authorization to enter the library through the librarians door prior to it officially being opened.  When I went back to college as an adult I was at the school at least 30 minutes prior to the start of class.  By arriving at work 10 minutes prior to my work day it was once commented on how early I was.  No, not early, on time!

So what constitutes early?  Early is well ahead of schedule.  These are times when the “on time” person gets way ahead of themselves.  It can throw a monkey wrench into the process, even if they are meeting up with a timely person, but it can also be fun.  Just roll with the punches and enjoy the toss up in the routine.  This happened to me twice in the past few months, both times with the same person.  One positive thing can be said, when an “on time” person uses their brain to rely on, they are generally ahead of schedule, not late.    So how early were they?

early-bird2The first time was when we had plans to go to dinner and were meeting at my house.  I gave them a time of 6:45 pm, which would allow me to leave work at 6:00, get home and do the normal “arrive home” things of bringing in the mail, putting away my lunch containers, then change my clothes, touch up make-up, etc.  So how did this go?  When I was approaching my driveway at 6:15 their car was also signaling to turn into my drive.  They were 30 minutes early!  The greeting was even funnier.  They exited their vehicle and said “are you late?” and I responded “No, you’re early.”

Remember, don’t sweat the small stuff.  They waited in my living room while I did what I needed to to get ready.   We left the house and were driving down the road when they commented that I was right on how long it would take me to get ready…it was 6:45!  Of course I was right, I’m an “on time” person.

Now when does early become “way ahead of themselves?”  That happens when they forget to check the calendar for what day you are getting together.  I had my day mapped out.  I knew what day they were coming over and the night before planned to do some standard tidying of the house — make sure the dishwasher is unloaded and no dishes are in the sink, vacuum,  check the bathroom and wipe down the mirror — the typical stuff to make a house look presentable.  So how did that go?

I left work about 15 minutes late, so arrived home around 6:20.  I threw my jacket over a chair and flipped through the mail.  Made a phone call regarding some repair work being done and left a message.  I was about to go run upstairs and take off my work clothes and throw on a pair of jeans and a top when my doorbell rang.  early-bird

I opened the door to find my friend standing on the porch.  Weather permitting I generally leave the door open when I know they are coming over, but I had it closed.  Their greeting to me was    “Did you forget?”    I responded that no, they are early — as in 24 hours early!   Oops!

So what happened?  The evening proceeded as originally planned just a day early.  The walls didn’t cave in because my house hadn’t been tidied up.   I laughed after they left and wondered how early they will be the next time around.  They get too far out there and I might not be home.  At the same time, we live in such a planned/scheduled society, that a little twist to the plans now and then keeps life fun and spontaneous.

So what does all this mean?  If you are always late, think about its affect on others around you.  If you are normally on time, it is wonderful that you are conscientious and considerate.   If you are early, as in well ahead of yourself, you are the type of person that keeps others on the edge of their seat and forces life to be spontaneous.

Life is a Melting Pot of personalities and habits.  Whatever kind of person you are dealing with, go with the flow.   Enjoy and have fun regardless of their arrival time.

 

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Feeling Their Pain

It has been ten months since my husband, Ron, passed away following a fifteen month battle with cancer.  I am doing well, and moving forward in my new life.  I have a cousin…or actually a first cousin once removed if you want to be technical, whose husband has been battling a rare cancer for nine years and is now in the final stages, losing his fight as well.

thankful-for-every-momentI was reading Michelle’s post on Facebook yesterday.  Many notes of sympathy and prayers.  They know her, they know her husband Charlie, they know what a great couple and wonderful marriage they had.  I, on the other hand, have not seen Michelle personally in years.  We were together as children, but not as adults.  We are in contact only by Facebook now.  However, I can truly feel her pain.

As I read her post I could feel the helplessness at watching a man who has lived an active, positive life quickly deteriorate into a person who is lifeless, sick, unable to manage even the simple things in life.   There is no “fix.”  You are moving toward the end and you both know it but don’t really want to say it.  You are losing the person you thought would be there for decades more.   It is an emotional situation like none other you will ever experience.  You aren’t losing a grandparent, parent, sibling, cousin, aunt, uncle, or child.  You are losing a spouse.  It is different and only those who have ever experienced it can understand what a different loss it is.

I typed a reply, relying on my experience.  I had to cut it short.  I was sitting at work and almost started crying because I really can feel what she is going through.  What did I tell her?  Cherish the memories, remind him of those things.  Tell him it was a great marriage.  Tell him you will be okay.  Those are things that will bring him peace as he moves toward the end.

She is going through the hard part.  Then there is the adjustment period following the death.  But as time passes she will be okay.  She will live a new “normal” life without Charlie.  She has a positive attitude and her new life will also be positive and good.  How do I know?  Because that is what I am doing.   I’ve been there.  I can feel her pain.  I know she will persevere and move forward.  That is the type of person she is.

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Filed under cancer, Coping, death, Family, Illness, Life Changing, Life is a Melting Pot, marriage, reality

Sleep In Old-Fashioned Elegance

I arrived a few minutes past the designated check-in time.  Even though I was late and had to ring the bell I was greeted by Frank with a smile and friendly hello.  He gave me a set of keys to my room and the front door.   There was no pressure to immediately produce a credit card or sign paperwork.  I was told that would be handled at check-out.

Frank gave me a tour of the house so I would know where to find amenities such as a refrigerator, microwave, coffee and tea, and a plate of home baked cookies.   He pointed out a buzzer on the main floor that could be used to alert he and/or his wife, Cheryl, that assistance was needed.  Frank then carried my suitcase up the steps and showed me my room and bathroom.  Because my room had a private bathroom down a hall, plush robes were hanging in the closet to use if needed.

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MacLeod House features a large front porch with seating and group of apple and pear trees in the side yard.  A spacious back yard in this country setting provides a peaceful atmosphere for relaxing or sleeping.  Photo copyright 2016 Grace Grogan.

Cheryl came out to meet me before I left for dinner.  She provided me with the time range for breakfast, told me what she was planning to serve each of the days, and inquired as to whether I had any dietary restrictions and if the planned menu met with my approval.  It was friendly, relaxed, courteous.   There are no frazzled workers, elevator waits, loud kids or drunken patrons navigating the halls at 3 am.  It was peaceful, quiet, relaxing.

The home is decorated in antiques.  Furniture, photos, bedding, lamps, decorations, all reflect a bygone era.  It is as if you have stepped back to a time of elegance and beauty.  The old-style lamps in the bedroom give it a relaxing ambiance that no modern light will ever provide.  I enjoyed relaxing in one of the chairs in my room each night, munching on a cookie and reading for a bit.  When I was ready to climb into bed I flipped on the TV for a bit before dozing off.  There is no street noise, no traffic.  The quiet took me into a deep slumber.

Morning greeted me with a bathroom stocked with home-style towels, washcloths, bath rugs, and shower gel.  None of the harsh white, hotel style bath accessories and cosmetics carrying a hotel logo here.  On a table on the second floor landing are  brochures of local attractions and a basket of toiletries in case a guest is in need of something.

Once I was showered and dressed for my day I headed down to the dining area for breakfast.  I found one couple there enjoying their meal.  Another couple joined us a few minutes later.  Cheryl prepared our breakfasts as we arrived.  French toast with creme cheese and peaches, served with sausage links on day one, omelets and thick toast with jams on the second.  Coffee, tea, orange juice and water were available, as were breakfast breads.    It was pleasant talking with other guests, learning where everyone was from, how long they plan to stay, where they have dined in the area, and sights they have taken in.  A nice pleasant way to start the day.

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By now you may realize that my stay was at a bed and breakfast, more specifically MacLeod House in Newberry, Michigan.  This was my first time staying at a B & B and I loved the experience.  I will definitely look into this type of lodging when traveling in the future.  Being a solo female traveler, I felt so much more secure in this environment than I do in a hotel or motel.    No large parking lots, elevator rides and long hallways to navigate alone.  It is a cozy, friendly atmosphere.

When I made my reservations I was told that I would need to change rooms from one night to the next due to a prior reservation.  It was handled easily with me packing up my bags before I left in the morning for my day out.  When the rooms were cleaned my bags were moved to the new room.  This turned out to be a wonderful opportunity because it allowed me to stay in two different rooms, each with their own unique decorating scheme.   My first night I was in the Rose Room, which I found cozy and inviting.  This room had a private bath down a small hall; room amenities included plush robes to use if needed.  My second night was in the Gold Room, which was a bit larger and had a private attached bath with a footed tub shower.  They also offer a suite, which I did not personally view.  I have no idea which room I will select the next time I visit that area, as each is unique and inviting.

Newberry is near many local attractions such as Taquamenon Falls, Oswald Bear Ranch, Ste. Saint Marie, and Pictured Rocks.  I highly recommend checking them out the next time you are traveling in Michigan’s upper peninsula.

MacLeod House
6211 County Road 441
Newberry, Michigan  49868
Phone:  (906) 293-3841
Email:  fcicala@up.net
Website:  Macleod House Bed and Breakfast

 

 

 

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Filed under Life is a Melting Pot, Michigan, reality, travel, Upper Penninsula, vacation

If Unsigned It Lacks Value

I received a typed note in the mail this week, no return address, no signature.  What does this tell me?  That the person does not wholeheartedly believe what they say.  They want to give their opinion, but lack the strength to put their name on it.  They are weak and so must lash out in anger.

The letter, which I have attached hereto as a photo, refers to a column I wrote about the Port Huron Float Down back in August, so it took the writer this long to actually get up the guts to mail it.  Since that Float down post I have have written two other columns, one about St. Clair, but that evades this person’s knowledge.  Why?  Because they aren’t paying attention, they are simply lashing out.  lettr-people-speaking-the-truth

For those of you who may not know, I am an opinion columnist.  I give my opinion on whatever subject I choose.  I do not write editorials, I am not a journalist.  The person I criticized in my opinion column posted a Facebook post on his own page that was at least three paragraphs long.

I normally don’t respond to comments about my column, but people were criticizing me as not being a professional journalist – and I’m not.  They accused me of calling that person names, such as idiot, which I had not….other people had in their posts.  The column I wrote had over 837 shares on Facebook alone, so it pretty good circulation and a lot of comments supportive to my opinion, negative on the other person, who happens to be a public figure/city mayor.

Even at that I would not have even known about the post if it were not for the fact that  people, including the mayor’s wife, tagged me in their comments.   I did respond, pointing out that I am not a journalist or editorialist, I am an opinion columnist.  I gave them the link to the article where the mayor had been interviewed, and pointed out that my opinion column specifically referenced the other article.  It is those facts that this writer is so angry about.  They are so angry they have not been able to move past it.

So the letter has given me a good laugh.  Why?  Because I have moved on from that column and post.  This person has not.  I enjoy writing about controversial subjects because it gets people thinking, creates an interchange of opinions, it engages the mind.  That column achieved my goal.  The Mayor’s Facebook page had comments going on it for an entire day about the subject, and now several weeks later the writer of this letter has their mind still tied up in it, whereas I have moved on.

I do feel sorry for the writer of the letter though, because they lack the confidence and self-worth to put enough value on their own opinion to sign their name, yet they continue to stew in their anger.  That means my column achieved its ultimate goal.  The subject matter has stayed in the mind of at least one person and has them thinking about it.

As for me, I’m contemplating what the next item of interest will be.  I do love getting peoples minds thinking.

letter-unsigned-september-2016023

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Is it Better or Worse?

Garage Yard Sale Cartoon 5In trying to clean things out and prepare for a yard sale this weekend when walking through my home it is difficult to determine if things are better or worse then they were a week, month, or year ago.  I’m in that messy time when things appear worse even though they are getting better.

Garage Yard Sale SignI’m bringing things up from the basement and pricing them for garage sale, then stacking the boxes under a table in my TV room.  I am preparing to put a desk into the garage sale and bring a different desk into it’s spot.  To do that I had to empty out other furniture and items in the landing and the scrapbooking room itself to allow space for the exchange to take place.

'Pssst, Bill... the sale's going great, but we're getting low on stuff. Make another run to the landfill and bring back whatever you can get your hands on.'

‘Pssst, Bill… the sale’s going great, but we’re getting low on stuff. Make another run to the landfill and bring back whatever you can get your hands on.’

I feel like I have stuff everywhere, and there is so much more to tackle that an outsider would never realize how much I have already improved and/or eliminated.  Such is life when you have been married to someone who has numerous hobbies, likes, and was once a scrapper, as in goes around picking up metal scrap and any other “treasures” that can be found.  Then in the last year of his life he also began attending garage sales and estate sales and purchasing numerous items.  Need I say I feel a bit overrun?

So Is it Better or Worse?  It is better, but right now some areas look a lot worse!

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Filed under Cleaning, home, Life is a Melting Pot, reality

Change Equals Growth

When I stumbled upon this quote about how one pictured their life I throught instantly that it fits me perfectly.  A year ago my husband was fighting cancer, he was receiving chemo.  We assumed it was working but it wasn’t.  A year ago I would’ve never pictured my life the way it is now.  Life - A year Ago I would never have pictured my life as it is now.

Change Equals Growth was a motto that Ron adapted as he was fighting cancer.  The disease changed him; it also changed me…as did his passing.  A year ago the possibility of Ron dying had me terrified.  I didn’t know how I would manage things.  Then December 7th arrived, Ron passed, and I had to manage things.  Much of what I have handled in the past six (almost seven) months are things I had never dealt with in my life.  I know I am not doing them the same way Ron would have, but I am doing them my way, and that is the way it should be.

Ron handled everything financial — bills, loans, investments, taxes, insurance, and real estate.  He handled all the yard work, house maintenance, and vehicle maintenance.   Those are important things that I suddenly had to juggle and am still in the learning process with some of them.  I was forced to change, to learn to tackle numerous things while under the emotional stress of my husband’s death.  Change equals growth, and through this process I have grown.

Let GoI have applied and received a mortgage modification, learned to pay bills, met with our financial advisor, gathered tax information for our CPA, handled an IRS audit, closed our joint account and opened my own account for handling of stocks.  I have contacted numerous accounts and had things such as cell phone, internet, cable, vehicle insurance, utilities, and vehicle loans changed into my name.  I have handled contacting service people such as a plumber for a leaky toilet, car maintenance, and the hot tub store for an uncompleted repair that began when Ron was alive.  I will be calling to have someone out to repair my air conditioning that stopped working.  I have learned to run the riding lawnmower, how to put gas into it and how to use a jumper box to jump it if necessary.   I discovered our weed wacker was too heavy and difficult for me to start and operate, so I selected and ordered one that was more suited to my abilities.  I have listed property and vehicles for sale.  I have made decisions on how to juggle money and make payments on time.  I have grown throughout this process.

I have gained confidence in my abilities to handle things I never considered myself capable of in the past.  I have learned that what doesn’t get done today can be tackled tomorrow, that I can’t accomplish everything in the time frame I would like to and that is okay.  life - 10 years from now make sure you can say you lived your life and didn't settle for it

A year ago I would have never pictured my life the way it is now.  Change equals growth.   I have changed, I will continue to change.  I will continue to grow.  Everything happens for a reason.  I look forward to whatever good things life throws at me, because I can and will tackle them.

 

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Filed under cancer, Coping, decisions, Life is a Melting Pot, memoir, reality, time

The Gift You Are

This morning I was listening to some music and the song The Gift You Are by John Denver came on.  It is a wonderfully simple, basic song and yet it says so much.  Each person has value, each person is like a ray of sunshine in the world.  How often this is forgotten.

There are two things we tend to do.  The first is we tend to lose value in ourselves.  It is easy to become overwhelmed with the stresses of life, especially when things are not going according to the plan we laid out.  It is easy to lose faith in your own ability to accomplish those things that are before you.

Sometimes it is not so much losing faith in yourself as disconnecting from the world, withdrawing as you try to deal with whatever is before you.  That is when it is important to dream of a bright tomorrow and know that your dream will come true.  Stay focused, remember that you have the ability to accomplish whatever you set your mind to…remember The Gift You Are.

The second thing we as humans tend to do is judge others, or maybe I should say misjudge others.  We tend to make assumptions about the abilities of people who do not seem to have the same beliefs, mental abilities, physical abilities, or financial standing as ourselves.  When you do that what you are doing is devaluing the person.

Every person that you encounter has value, you just have to take the time to learn what that value is…maybe that value is they are just different from you and both of you can learn from the relationship.  A person with less mental capabilities may have strong determination to succeed, strong artistic talent, an unusual gentleness with animals.  Those are valuable qualities.   A person with physical disabilities may have undergone a struggle you are unaware of that shows their ability to persevere in times of struggle. These are valuable qualities, remember the gift that each person is.

People are people.  Every person has value.  Remember as you go through life The Gift You Are and remember that every person you encounter is also a gift and if they are struggling remind them of the gift they are.

Link to the song The Gift You Are by John Denver.  Lyrics are below.

The Gift You Are
by John Denver

Imagine a month of Sundays
Each one a cloudy day
Imagine the moment the sun came shining through
Imagine that ray of sunshine as you

Remember your darkest hour
With dawn still far away
Remember the way that you longed for mornings light
And think of yourself as a candle in the night

Make believe this is the first day
Everything all brand new
Make believe that the sun is your own lucky star
And then understand the kind of gift you are

The gift you are
Like the very first breath of spring
The gift you are
All the joy that love can bring

The gift you are
All of our dreams come true
The gift you are
The gift of you

You are the promise of all the ages
You are the Prodigal Son
You are the vision of prophets and sages
You are the only one

Dream of a bright tomorrow
Know that your dream will come true
Carry your dream in a sparkling crystal jar
Then you will know the kind of gift you are

The gift you are
Like the very first breath of spring
The gift you are
All the joy that love can bring

The gift you are
All of our dreams come true
The gift you are
The gift of you

The gift you are
Like the very first breath of springtime
The gift you are
All the joy that love can bring

The gift you are
All of our dreams come true, yes, they do
The gift you are
The gift of you
The gift you are
The gift of you

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Filed under assumptions, communication, Coping, disabilities, freindship, friends, friendship, handicapp, impressions, Life is a Melting Pot, reality

Why do we have to play fair?

In my local newspaper this week there was a comic posted that said “and for those who did not graduate today…Please step to the stage to receive your Certificate of Participation.”

Sadly, that is what this country is coming to.  Those who achieve are not given proper recognition because it might hurt the feelings of those who did not achieve.

Earlier this month I learned about a Texas high school that would not allow students to wear their National Honor Society stoles during graduation. This is an honor, those students worked hard to achieve those honors and deserve the recognition.  What was the schools reason for banning the stole?  Administration was fearful that other students might feel excluded.EPSON MFP image

Hello world!  If you do not do the work to achieve then you should be excluded.  That is life!  That is reality!  How can we expect people to lead balanced, productive lives if they never learn that life isn’t fair.  Sometimes you win, sometimes you loose.  Regardless of what happens you continue to move forward and improve yourself.  You struggle, you push forward, you cope.

This is not a new thought process.  It began years ago.  When I was in school not everyone made the sports teams, not everyone won the spelling bee, not everyone was in the speedy readers group.  Some people just weren’t good enough.  If you participated in an activity some people got ribbons for winning, some people got nothing.  That was the way it was and we all knew it.  Whatever you were doing some received recognition for being the best, some people sat on the sidelines with a dream of someday achieving great things as well.  Dreams.  Goals.  Striving for a better future.

Then somewhere along the line people decided that wasn’t fair.  Every child should have the opportunity to be on the team.  Every child should be recognized for their participation.  Everyone should receive a special certificate, not just a chosen few.    It has to be fair, no one should feel left out.  No one should feel they have underachieved.

fair getting what need to be successfulHave we really done those children a favor?  I don’t believe so.  If a child never learns that sometimes life isn’t fair, that sometimes you win and sometimes you loose and that is okay, how can they learn to cope with the realities of life when they become an adult.  They don’t.  I think that is why we have so much violence, so many underachievers.  They never learned to push for the top.  It has been handed to them every step of the way.

I realize that there are some people who simply do not have the ability to achieve greatness.  They may have developmental disabilities, they may be physically impaired, That is okay.  People are different.  Don’t hand them a sympathy ribbon.  Let them compete at their own level with others on the same plateau they are and let them achieve greatness within a group of their own peers.  This will help them learn to work toward a goal and obtain recognition for hard work.

If we go back to letting children experience wins and losses they will learn to cope with life.  They will learn to set goals and improve themselves.  They will have more self-worth than they have by constantly receiving a token certificate of recognition.   Don’t they deserve that?  I think they do.

 

 

 

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Filed under children, Coping, decisions, education, Family, kids, Life Changing, Life is a Melting Pot, parents, reality, school

Looking Back: A Facebook Review

Every  morning around 7 AM I receive a notification from Facebook that there are memories from previous years on that date.  I look forward to reviewing those memories, looking back on what I was doing or sharing in previous years.  Some of those memories I skim over,  some I share again.

We go about our day-to-day lives and don’t realize how we change over time.  I notice that the type of information I consider relevant has changed.  Postings about day-to-day life have changed.  It is fun to see what I was doing in college a few years ago, how many days I would go without being on Facebook because I was busy, or even the activities I was partaking in on any particular date or year.

I have shared a lot of pictures over the years.  When those pop up on my memories feed it is fun to see how my grandchildren have grown, or the changes in the appearance of my kids, myself and my husband.  Places I have visited, events I have attended, and more are shared through photographs on my personal page, as well as the Times Gone By Photography page I have.

Another fun thing I discovered in looking back is the notes I have posted on my Facebook page.  For several years now I have shared a challenge where you try to read 52 books in a year, and although I have never made it to 52 I have those “notes” from every year where I listed each book I read, the author, whether fiction or non-fiction and the number of pages.  I recently came across a couple other postings I did, one answering questions about how well you know your spouse, and another where you list 25 things about yourself.  I may do that one again, because things have changed.  I am now in the processing of printing off some of the things I discovered and saving them in a scrapbook or notebook for future look backs by myself and/or my children and grandchildren.

We live in a digital world.  Everything is handled electronically and people, young people especially, do not keep things in a printed, paper format.  Give consideration to printing off and saving in a notebook some of the things you share electronically.  Make it a scrapbook of you.  Future generations will be glad you did when everything you have done is lost in the cyber world.

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Filed under Activities, Discoveries, exploration, Family, genealogy, Life is a Melting Pot, memoir, reality, Scrapbooking

Trying to Juggle but Falling Behind

I have always been a fairly organized person.  Someone who gets involved in clubs and takes on a board position and/or committee chair person.  I commit to things and meet my commitments.  Busy is Better!

Lately I was struggling to get things done, and found some items on my to-do list week after week.  What happened?  Why was I suddenly falling behind, not juggling my life the way I always have?  Then there was that moment, the flip of a switch, the lightbulb came on and I figured it out.

I am no longer juggling just my responsibilities.  I am also juggling those of my deceased husband, plus the additional phone calls and paperwork that have to be done to get everything transferred into my name, his name removed from things, etc.  Then of course there is the learning curve in which everything he did takes me a considerably longer amount of time because I don’t have a full grasp of it yet.  That is improving, but it is a process.

Every process, every learning curve has its bumps in the road.  There are frustrations that come with everything.  The frustration of living in a computer generated world in which computers rule what happens and people follow the computer rather than thinking and using logical, common sense.  The aggravation that is felt when all the appropriate steps have been taken, only to find out the company didn’t do what they should have and so you have to take further steps to correct things.

I applied for a mortgage modification and got approved, but they never told me not to make a payment, so I have made them all, but in the meantime they are holding my payments in “suspense” while they complete the change over and are repeatedly sending me delinquent notices, including by certified mail that I had to go sign for.  When I called I was told those are computer generated notices and I will continue to receive them until they get everything rolled over.  And how long will that take?  Oh, about two more weeks.

I drove over 35 miles to a main cell phone store to switch the account from my husbands to my own name.  I gave them all my information, told them to remove my husband’s phone and two pads he had.  Put the account in my name, leave my daughter on as a manager.  The phone and pad did get removed, but when my daughter called to get assistance with her phone the pass codes I gave them weren’t working.  As it turns out that is because they never made the switch.  They still had the account in my husband’s name, had me as a manger, which I had been before my husband’s death, and removed my daughter as a manager.    Then I had to wait and call back on a weekday, because this I found out on the weekend.  When I called I informed them it was rather incompetent being I had stood in their store with a death certificate and yet they left my husband on as the owner of the account…a dead man has no responsibility to you to pay the bill!  Got that one fixed.

That is only two in a long list of situations that have created chaos in an already chaotic situation.  Then of course there are the regular duties of paying bills, service on motor vehicles, and lawn mowing that my husband always handled.  My daughter commented that she knows she needs to come over and mow my lawn.  I told her instruction on use of the riding lawnmower would allow me to handle the task myself.  Seriously, I have driven boats, jet skis, motorcycle and moped, I should be able to handle a wild and crazy lawnmower!

So, when I got to really thinking it about it I finally realized, the reason I am trying to juggle but falling behind is because I am handling everything that was previously handled by two, and I haven’t gotten the process down yet.  On a positive note, I am improving.  It is a process.

 

 

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Filed under Coping, death, decisions, exploration, habit, home, Life is a Melting Pot, marriage, reality