I had such big plans, a long list of things to accomplish around the house and in the yard. Things to organize, things to sell, things to clean. I had deadlines that have passed. I do have things crossed off, but the list is long and never ending.
Now I look at my list, at my yard, my house, stacks of paperwork to do, cupboards, drawers, closets and rooms to clean out and organize, things to sell or donate, and find myself frustrated at what I have not yet accomplished. I want it over and done, neat and organized, manageable without me feeling overwhelmed. I feel like I’m sinking in a mucky hole and I can’t make the climb back out.
Now don’t get me wrong, small accomplishments give me great pleasure. Unfortunately I frequently get a project partially done then get swung in another direction and don’t quite complete the task, so it is there dangling like a carrot in front of a horse, and I can’t quite reach it. Part of the problem is I am feeling overstretched with what I need to accomplish, but what do I give up? What do I let slide? What am I overlooking or letting slide that I shouldn’t? What if I’m doing it wrong?
The idea of letting things slide and not get completed does not formulate well in my brain. I want balance, harmony, peace. My life is out of sink. I need downtime to relax and rejuvenate, but don’t feel like I should do that when I have other things to get done. I need to get things organized in my life to bring it balance. At the same time on those occasions when I “screw off” and get away from the house, even for a few hours, I feel rejuvenated again. It is a battle of the brain, which way to go.
Then I wonder, how did I do things before? Why is it a few years ago I could find time to scrapbook, write, read, attend festivals and events, go out for the day shooting photos, go places, do things. Why am I not fitting those things into my life on a regular, weekly basis now like I did then? Is my failure to go out and do those things causing me to falter in the other areas? But if I spend time out doing things, then I’ll never get things done here.
Self-analysis can be enlightening and frustrating, it can help one reach a resolution to an issue or it can make one feel they will never accomplish their goals. In my case, I’m still sinking in that muck. If I want to get out I have to figure out how to balance my life. I have to push myself harder to get things done. I have to make a point of doing things I enjoy such as going to places where I can take pictures, attending events, or something so simple as sitting on my front porch and reading a book for an hour. I haven’t even visited my favorite spots in probably close to a year. I used to visit them all the time.
I have to get the balance back into my life. Balance brings harmony. Harmony brings the sun and dries up the muck. Hopefully it is soon!