Tag Archives: habits

Cycle Through Life

As we go through life we develop habits, a way of doing things.  Some of them are our own, some of them are done to accommodate the likes/dislikes of those around us.  As we cycle through life those things change.

We develop likes and dislikes, ways of doing things, and personality traits from our parents, grandparents, siblings, other relatives and friends as we are growing.  Then we become adults and move away from those we have grown up with.  Some move away to attend college, some branch out on their own, living the single life, and others, like me, leave their parent’s home when they marry.   Each of those different events will impact the individual person and their overall personality.51bdc659e738f0ad63064c508af86513

I grew up in a small town far away from distant relatives, I left my parent’s home when I married just before my 21st birthday.  With my marriage I moved about two hours away from home.  The person I married was not controlling, but he was nine years older and had far more life experiences than I.  He had served overseas in the military, been married and had a child, and purchased a home.   Looking back I adapted to his way of doing things more-so than he adapted to mine.   He paid the bills, serviced the cars, did home repairs, and was the driving force in any major purchases.  I was more willing to keep things as they were, to more or less “make do” with what we already had.  That is how we lived for 34 years until he passed away in December 2015.

When he passed away I was living on my own for the first time in my life.  I spent a couple years in a bit of a vacuum, going through the motions of life without really experiencing it to its fullest.  I learned to do things I had never done before, such as yard work, getting cars serviced, and paying bills.  You could say in that way I grew during that period of time, but I didn’t really evolve, I simply functioned.

With the help of a friend I began to re-evaluate where I was at and what changes I needed to make.  I took a good look at the investments I had, and the company my husband had us with was not making me any money, in fact after paying the service charges I had lost money over the course of the two years since his death.  I’m not a math person, but I’m not stupid.  I needed a new financial advisor and I followed the recommendation of a friend and made a change.  It has been a good one and I feel my financial future has a more positive outlook.

What-you-dont-have-you-may-gainIn looking at my investments I also took a good look at my living expenses v. income and realized that while I am making my bills with the assistance of my husband’s life insurance, I can not really consider that “living in the green.”  Let’s face it, the life insurance savings won’t last forever, and living month-to-month is not the way I want to spend my retirement.  I also realized that I can not retire and continue to live where I am at.  The decision, I need to downsize.  Now there is a lot of stuff in this house that I must sort, decide what to keep, what to toss, and what to sell.  That will take some time.  I would like to be out in six months, a year is more realistic, and it may take beyond that.  However the longer it takes the more money I am spending on this house that I could be saving or using for more fun things.

Fun things.  I am going to do some fun things this year.  For the first time in about three years I am going to take a real vacation.  I have to admit, once I made the commitment, put down the deposit and booked my airline flights I had some difficulty sleeping for a couple nights, but now I am looking forward to it.  My first international flight on my own, I will be flying to Calgary, Alberta, Canada for the Calgary Stampede and spending 11 days out there.  I have a friend who will meet me in Calgary.  We will be staying in his motor home and taking in some of the scenic sights of the area, doing photography in addition to attending the Stampede.  It should be an awesome trip and I am looking forward to it.

I have a girl’s weekend planned in Mackinac City.  The weekend is a yearly event with my sister and two cousins, and we always change locations to keep it interesting.  There is also the possibility of another weekend trip into Canada with a friend, but that one is only tentative at this point.  59caa4c54b27d61f6a921ea8a3146eb4

So, where am I in the cycle of life?  I am in a growing stage.  I have broken free of the “me” that I was when married and becoming the “me” that I am as a widow.  I have started to walk around my house doing a visual inventory.  “That was him, it goes.”  “That is me, it stays.”  Sometimes it is “That was us” and with those items, some will stay and some will go.  When I move out of this house it will be a good, clean break and I will be continuing the ride as I cycle through life.

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Filed under Cleaning, Coping, decisions, Discoveries, exploration, Family, freindship, friends, friendship, habit, home, impressions, Life Changing, Life is a Melting Pot, marriage, memoir, reality, time, travel, vacation

Mentally Strong Habits

I recently came across an article online titled “13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do” by Dr. Travis Bradberry and wondered where I fall in the realm of things.  Do I fit the mentally strong?  Am I stumbling along at a pathetic rate?  While articles such as this can be great for self-evaluation, sometimes you just don’t want to know the answers.

Curiosity got the best of me and I forged forward in my quest for knowledge.  Depending on how far back you reflect, I can easily say the past six years have been stressful, but I feel I am doing well emotionally.  I just keep trudging along and don’t think about the conglomerate mess my life has been.

Six years ago I was in a bad accident when I was hit by a car while riding my motorcycle,habits-of-successful-people landing me in a trauma center for seventeen days, rehab for two months, and then a year of physical therapy and medical follow ups after that.  Two of my granddaughters were taken by Child Protective Services and put into foster care.  My husband and I applied to foster them and were denied, we later applied to adopt them and again CPS fought us and we lost.  Both girls have been adopted by strangers.

My son was sentenced to 6-22 years in prison for home invasion; his earliest possible parole date is in March 2018.  Two cousins passed away, as did a 19 year old nephew who had brain cancer.   Other deaths in the family included my father-in-law, brother-in-law, both of my parents (18 months apart), and my husband.  I spent about 1-1/2 years traveling back to my old hometown to work on cleaning out the house my parents had resided in since 1966.  While this was going on my husband was diagnosed with esophageal cancer, had surgery, radiation, and chemotherapy as he fought the disease for about 15 months before the cancer won and he passed away.   I am now scheduled for surgery on my ankle due to residual deterioration from my accident and am once again facing a lengthy recovery.

habits-things-to-give-upI look at the list of things I have handled in the past few years and in my opinion have coped well with everything life has thrown at me.   I have often felt that I have strong coping mechanisms but don’t really know why.   I am baffled when people have one issue on their plate and are falling apart at the seams.  I delved into the article hoping to discover what it is that makes one person successfully juggle a plethora of issues while another crumbles under the slightest amount of pressure.

What the article explained is that mental strength is a matter of emotional intelligence.  The article stated  “Emotional intelligence is the ‘something’ in each of us that is a bit intangible.  It affects how we manage behavior, navigate social complexities, and make personal decisions to achieve positive results.”

The article consisted of a list of thirteen things emotionally intelligent people avoid.  This piqued my curiosity as I don’t conscientiously avoid much of anything.  What I found is that of the thirteen items listed, I do eleven of them naturally / subconsciously.  Two items I falter on, but what the heck, we all have areas needing improvement.

The two weakness I have were actually the first two items listed:

  • They don’t stay in their comfort zone
  • They don’t give in to fear

I feel these two areas are related and to a certain degree overlap.  While I don’t totally avoid these two behavior patterns, I don’t follow them 100% either.  I tend to operate on a certain level of caution which prevents me from venturing two far outside my comfort zone.  Fear is not a physical fear but an emotional fear of doing something, such as public speaking.   While I have taken on the challenge of completing  numerous things this past year that I never have in the past, the combination of my comfort zone and fear of unknown territory has also prevented me from fully tackling a few others that should have been addressed sooner and more frequently than they have.  My weaknesses, the areas I need to work on.

I was happy to discover that the other nine items listed are all areas where I meet the criteria for having emotional intelligence:

  • They don’t stop believing in themselves
  • They don’t beg for attention
  • They don’t act like jerks
  • They don’t hold grudges
  • They don’t hang around negative people
  • They don’t feel sorry for themselves
  • They don’t feel entitled
  • They don’t close their minds
  • They don’t let anyone limit their joy
  • They don’t get eaten up by jealousy and envy
  • They don’t live in the past

If you tend to let the stress of life get you down, if you are unable to roll with the ups and habit-secret-to-success-if-in-your-daily-routinedowns of life and have difficulty coping you may want to read 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do.    Explore the areas you need to tackle so your life can move forward in a more positive direction.

If you are like me and feel you easily cope with the stresses of life, I still suggest you read the article in its entirety.  You may find areas in which you can improve.  As for me, I’m working on alleviating my fear and expanding my comfort zone.  Look out world….here I come!

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Filed under Coping, decisions, exploration, habit, Life Changing, Life is a Melting Pot, mind

YOU ARE A GUARANTEED WINNER

You are a guaranteed winner of $5,000.00 every week for life  if you return the winning entry number.  I have been receiving notifications of that type Enter to Win can-stock-photo_csp15992545since I turned 18 and I have always taken all the steps to submit my entry.  It occurred to me the other day that this is a type of mind-control on the part of the sweepstakes company.    With as many entries as I have submitted in the past 35 years, shouldn’t I have won something by now?  Is this a ploy to get me to purchase something from the mailing?  While it says no purchase is necessary, is there a difference in what pile my name goes into since I haven’t made a purchase?  Would I have won if I were purchasing things like 100% Egyptian Cotton Bath Sheets, 3-Piece Magnifying Sets or Floral Fantasy Bangle Watches?

The temptation to pitch the envelope into the trash as a lost cause and waste of time has occurred on more than one occasion.  There have been a few I didn’t return on time or did throw away, but then the mind questions the intelligence of that decision.  What if that was the one mailing with the winning entry number?  Did I just toss my opportunity to have a substantial weekly income into the trash?

I tried to reason the throwing of those envelopes away by commenting to my husband that had I not wasted all that money on postage I would probably be a lot wealthier now.  He didn’t help.  He pointed out that at the most I probably had spent maybe $100 in postage.  When I started doing this in 1978 first class postage was only 0.15, now it is 0.49.  Using today’s rate of 0.49 if I mailed in six entries per year for the past 35 years my total investment is only $102.90, and we know based on the variations in postage over the years that is a high estimate.   Figuring this out simply gave legitimacy to my investment in time and postage.  Is it worth losing the chance at millions if I fail to invest a few minutes of time and a postage stamp?

Realistically what are the chances I will have my doorbell ring and find a prize committee standing on my porch presenting me with a huge check?  I would say next to none, and yet there I sat on Sunday morning painstakingly attaching entry labels to a form, searching the sales flyers of the mailing for the appropriate entry pieces and attaching little stickers to the combination code on the back of the entry-order form.  Then after making sure everything was appropriately attached to the entry form placing it into the “official reply envelope” so that my official entry number shows through the little window, attached a postage stamp and mailed in my entry.

Winning NumberWhy do I continue to take the time to follow the steps and submit my entries?   Because I have been warned that “Many winning number holders lose out on big sums of money for not entering as instructed.” and that “Failure to reply within specified time will result in loss of any prize monies that could be won from response to this notice.”   The mailing contains a notice that the transfer of weekly prize checks will take place if I timely return my entry number and it is selected as the valid matching winning number.

The power of persuasion has locked me into this mind game.  After 35 years I cannot escape its power.  Who wouldn’t like to win huge amounts of money so they can spend, travel, share, and enjoy the rest of their life without giving it a thought?  While some underlying desire to win pulls me in, I know I am not alone.  It is a powerful mind game that has probably locked in thousands, more likely millions of others like me.  How do I know I am not alone?  Because if I was the only person submitting those sweepstakes entries I certainly would have won something by now.

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