Tag Archives: mind

Life in the Fast Lane

There was once a popular song by the Eagles, with the lyric “Life in the Fast Lane, surely make you lose your mind.”  That is what my life has felt like these past few weeks.  I finish a day or a weekend and wonder how it went by so fast.  I never get as much completed as I want.

Sometimes when life is making you feel compressed you need to take a step back and relax.  Trying to paddle faster when you feel as if you are sinking just wears out your energy and you drown.  Taking a break can restore energy and prepare you for the next round of chaos.

I have had a whirlwind going around me due to a series of events in my life….a friend who has been staying with me for the past eight months is getting ready to leave on a new adventure of full-time RV life.  My son, who was in prison for six years, came home on the 20th of March and is staying with me.  I have come to the conclusion that I need to downsize and have to go through all of my belongings and determine what I am going to keep and what must go.

Each of these things in and of itself are good changes.  Compiled into one they are overwhelming.  I look around my house and the massive amount of things I must sort through and am not sure where to start.  My son is helping, he has started working on the side of the basement that was my husband’s workshop.  I have set a deadline for getting all of this completed, which in some ways increases the panic of how much must be done.

Even though my daughter and her children live in a separate house, the adjustment for all of us to my son coming home after so long has not been easy.  My daughter is living in a home that my son once lived in.  When he went to prison the belongings he had in that home had to be boxed up.  Both my daughter and son have items in my house that have to be cleaned out.  The sorting, cleaning, and relationship adjustments can be stressful.

Even though I am trying to slow down, I continue to live life in the fast lane.  This week I ate dinner out four of the five work nights because of my schedule…writers meeting, shutterbug meeting, haircut, and shopping all done after work created the preference to dine out rather than in.  Saturday I am on the road around the time I normally step out of the shower so I can attend a writer’s conference an hour from home.  Sunday I’ll need to tackle household chores, and of course Monday it all starts again.   Life in the fast lane, will surely make me lose my mind!

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Filed under Cleaning, communication, Coping, decisions, Family, habit, home, Life Changing, Life is a Melting Pot, mind, reality

Scampering Squirrel

The other day I had an encounter with a squirrel, well not actually an encounter, more somewhat of an invasion.  I happened to look out the window onto my front porch and spotted a squirrel up on the porch with a huge nut in its mouth.  It seemed to be confused on where it wanted to go.  It came across the porch, then walked toward the steps leading off the porch, then turned around so it was facing the door into the house, then sideways again and disappeared off the side of the porch.

What was the squirrel thinking as he ran back and forth?  Why did he choose to get up onto my porch?  Was he trying to escape the rain?  Where did the nut come from?  This last question is relevant because I don’t have any nut trees on or by my house that I am aware of.  How far did he carry that nut?

Standing Squirrel

Photo by Grace Grogan   Copyright 2014.

One question was answered by this, as I assume that this could be the same squirrel who left the shell from a nut on my sidewalk about a week ago.  I saw the pieces and wondered where they had come from.   Still I wonder where the squirrel was coming from, how far he is traveling to accumulate his nuts, and why he chose to walk up and across my porch rather than through the front lawn.

This is not the first animal encounter I have had.  Past encounters include bunny rabbits, deer on the front lawn, skunks strolling on my driveway and sidewalk, a rooster walking across the front lawn, birds on my porch eating insects out of spider webs, and a woodpecker pecking at my house.

Whatever possesses these animals to pass my way I will never know.  What is going through their minds as they travel across my yard I sometimes wonder.  Why that woodpecker feels the need to peck away at my house rather than one of the trees I cannot explain.  Wildlife in action.  I’m still pondering over the thought process of that squirrel on my front porch.

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Filed under assumptions, backyard, exploration, Life is a Melting Pot, mind, nature

Rhetorically Resolving Resolutions

Every year thousands of people make New Years resolutions which they ultimately give up on within the first month or so.   The act of making the list is rather rhetorical, as the majority know that they will never accomplish those resolutions.  The list is made out of tradition, not with the intent to succeed.   new-year-resolution-fatter-and-lazier

A resolution is an action taken to resolve a problem.  Who wants to start the new year thinking about a list of problems they must tackle?  A New Year’s resolution is a cumbersome burden no one wants to bear.  Just the sound of it is overwhelming.

Throw those resolutions out.  You are not going to accomplish them anyway.  Instead list your goals for the new year.  Think positive, dream big.  These are things you want to accomplish over the course of the next twelve months.

new-year-goal-setting-6-steps-to-successAhhh you say, isn’t that the same thing as a resolution?  Well, sort of, but it is a mind game for motivation.  Which do you want to do?  Which makes you feel that success is possible?  You can only pick one of the following:

* List your resolutions for the new year — those problems you intend to resolve.

OR

* List your goals for the new year — those things you want to achieve.

Which phrase encourages you to take action?  Which phrase makes you go uggghhh?  Do whatever provides you with the most motivation.  If taking a slew of problems you have resolved to correct inspires you, then by all means go for it.  If setting forth a list of goals to complete inspires you, then take that route.  new-year-goals

The desired outcome, whether you choose to set resolutions or goals, is to cross those items off your list one-by-one as you complete them.  Every item you cross off the list provides you with a feeling of accomplishment.  The more things you cross off your list, the more encouraged you will be to keep working on that list.

What are my plans for 2017?  I have made a resolution to resolve problems by setting forth a list of goals to accomplish within the next year.

Happy New Year!

 

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Filed under decisions, Discoveries, habit, Holidays, Life Changing, Life is a Melting Pot, mind

Mentally Strong Habits

I recently came across an article online titled “13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do” by Dr. Travis Bradberry and wondered where I fall in the realm of things.  Do I fit the mentally strong?  Am I stumbling along at a pathetic rate?  While articles such as this can be great for self-evaluation, sometimes you just don’t want to know the answers.

Curiosity got the best of me and I forged forward in my quest for knowledge.  Depending on how far back you reflect, I can easily say the past six years have been stressful, but I feel I am doing well emotionally.  I just keep trudging along and don’t think about the conglomerate mess my life has been.

Six years ago I was in a bad accident when I was hit by a car while riding my motorcycle,habits-of-successful-people landing me in a trauma center for seventeen days, rehab for two months, and then a year of physical therapy and medical follow ups after that.  Two of my granddaughters were taken by Child Protective Services and put into foster care.  My husband and I applied to foster them and were denied, we later applied to adopt them and again CPS fought us and we lost.  Both girls have been adopted by strangers.

My son was sentenced to 6-22 years in prison for home invasion; his earliest possible parole date is in March 2018.  Two cousins passed away, as did a 19 year old nephew who had brain cancer.   Other deaths in the family included my father-in-law, brother-in-law, both of my parents (18 months apart), and my husband.  I spent about 1-1/2 years traveling back to my old hometown to work on cleaning out the house my parents had resided in since 1966.  While this was going on my husband was diagnosed with esophageal cancer, had surgery, radiation, and chemotherapy as he fought the disease for about 15 months before the cancer won and he passed away.   I am now scheduled for surgery on my ankle due to residual deterioration from my accident and am once again facing a lengthy recovery.

habits-things-to-give-upI look at the list of things I have handled in the past few years and in my opinion have coped well with everything life has thrown at me.   I have often felt that I have strong coping mechanisms but don’t really know why.   I am baffled when people have one issue on their plate and are falling apart at the seams.  I delved into the article hoping to discover what it is that makes one person successfully juggle a plethora of issues while another crumbles under the slightest amount of pressure.

What the article explained is that mental strength is a matter of emotional intelligence.  The article stated  “Emotional intelligence is the ‘something’ in each of us that is a bit intangible.  It affects how we manage behavior, navigate social complexities, and make personal decisions to achieve positive results.”

The article consisted of a list of thirteen things emotionally intelligent people avoid.  This piqued my curiosity as I don’t conscientiously avoid much of anything.  What I found is that of the thirteen items listed, I do eleven of them naturally / subconsciously.  Two items I falter on, but what the heck, we all have areas needing improvement.

The two weakness I have were actually the first two items listed:

  • They don’t stay in their comfort zone
  • They don’t give in to fear

I feel these two areas are related and to a certain degree overlap.  While I don’t totally avoid these two behavior patterns, I don’t follow them 100% either.  I tend to operate on a certain level of caution which prevents me from venturing two far outside my comfort zone.  Fear is not a physical fear but an emotional fear of doing something, such as public speaking.   While I have taken on the challenge of completing  numerous things this past year that I never have in the past, the combination of my comfort zone and fear of unknown territory has also prevented me from fully tackling a few others that should have been addressed sooner and more frequently than they have.  My weaknesses, the areas I need to work on.

I was happy to discover that the other nine items listed are all areas where I meet the criteria for having emotional intelligence:

  • They don’t stop believing in themselves
  • They don’t beg for attention
  • They don’t act like jerks
  • They don’t hold grudges
  • They don’t hang around negative people
  • They don’t feel sorry for themselves
  • They don’t feel entitled
  • They don’t close their minds
  • They don’t let anyone limit their joy
  • They don’t get eaten up by jealousy and envy
  • They don’t live in the past

If you tend to let the stress of life get you down, if you are unable to roll with the ups and habit-secret-to-success-if-in-your-daily-routinedowns of life and have difficulty coping you may want to read 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do.    Explore the areas you need to tackle so your life can move forward in a more positive direction.

If you are like me and feel you easily cope with the stresses of life, I still suggest you read the article in its entirety.  You may find areas in which you can improve.  As for me, I’m working on alleviating my fear and expanding my comfort zone.  Look out world….here I come!

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Filed under Coping, decisions, exploration, habit, Life Changing, Life is a Melting Pot, mind

In a Squirrel’s Mind

Photo by Grace Grogan, Copyright 2014.

Photo by Grace Grogan, Copyright 2014.

I was sitting at my desk this morning when I looked up to see a young squirrel hopping across my front yard and up onto a raised bed surrounding our tree.  He then perched on the wall for a moment, turning his head looking around before he scampered up the tree and onto a bottom limb,  Mr. Squirrel then sat on the limb, facing the road, watching traffic go by.

What was his reason for going to the tree and stopping first on the wall and then sitting on the branch?  What was the purpose of this observation?  Was he looking for someone, meaning another squirrel?  Was he contemplating the safety of venturing out and crossing the road?    Was he just enjoying the morning view, something to do for a moment?

After a few minutes he scampered back down the tree and without hesitation hopped off the raised flower bed, onto the lawn and ran back from the direction in which he had originally come.    What was his next destination?  Why was he going there?

We will never know what was going on in that squirrel’s mind.  What his purpose or goals were at the moment.  In our hectic, fast-paced world it is relaxing to contemplate for a moment what is going on in the mind of an animal that appears to take action that in some form or another had a purpose, we just don’t know what that purpose was.

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Filed under backyard, environmental, exploration, habit, Life is a Melting Pot, nature

Impression v. Reality

We all have an impression in our mind of what certain people should look like or behave like. Impressions that are imbedded in our minds from past experiences, misconceptions or any other wide range of factors. When we meet someone who does not meet the criteria our mind has set forth the reality is quite shocking. Chances are everyone who is reading this post has either been the subject of or subjected someone else to impressions that do not match reality.

Photo found on the internet that depicts the writer's impression of "grandma"

Photo found on the internet that depicts the writer’s impression of “grandma”

When I think of the term “grandmother” I picture my own grandmothers, grey haired ladies who did their hair with pin curls, wore full length aprons, never worked, never drove a car, and were great cooks.  That is the image that always comes to mind for grandmother, but I and numerous friends are the living reality that that is not the case now.  Modern day grandmothers work full time, drive cars, travel, are involved in activities, and although some of us may be great cooks we do not wear aprons.   So why can’t I shake the image in my mind of what a grandmother should look like?   Because that is what my grandmothers looked like and it is most likely what most grandmothers looked like in that era, but it is no longer the reality.

Motorcycle Gear - a photo of my friend Vicki dressed to ride.  Photo obtained from her Facebook page.

Motorcycle Gear – a photo of my friend Vicki dressed to ride. Photo obtained from her Facebook page.

My husband and I participating in a poker run.

My husband and I participating in a poker run.

What does a biker look like?  Back when I was in physical therapy following my motorcycle accident, one of the other patients asked what happened to me and when I told her she responded “You don’t look like a biker.”     She thought that people who rode motorcycles were always dressed in their leather vests, coats and biker boots.  I explained to her that people who ride motorcycles only dress that way when they are riding, but they are ordinary people who hold a variety of jobs, doctors, lawyers, salesmen, etc. and they wear normal, everyday clothing suitable to their profession.   When I was riding I did encounter people who treated me differently when I was dressed in my motorcycle gear, to the extent that I would say some were nervous.    What was funny was had I approached them without the leather vest or jacket they would likely have treated me the same as they were others.  Regardless of my clothing I was the same person.  People allow their minds to cloud reality and the impression they have set in their minds can cause them to prejudge.

handicap parkingI recently read a person’s letter to the editor in a newspaper in which the writer was commenting on a person who entered the McDonald’s he was at and voiced an objection about a non-handicap marked vehicle being parked in a handicap spot.  The writer was the person who had parked in that spot, did not have the state-mandated handicap tag but was on crutches and parked there.  In referencing the person that had objected to the spot being taken, the writer stated he “seemed to have nothing wrong with him other than being a bit overweight.”    What classifies a person as being handicapped?  They do not have to have an obvious physical disability that stands out and screams “I am handicapped.”  Persons who have obtained handicap markings for their vehicles have to obtain a doctor’s note specifying why they need handicap designation and then that document goes to the Secretary of State to obtain the appropriate tag for the vehicle.   Most people who do not know me do not realize that I have been in an accident and have a handicap parking designation on my vehicle.  I worked very hard to not have a limp after my accident, so when I walk into a building people do not realize that under my slacks I am wearing a compression sock and either a leather boot that supports my ankle or an ankle brace and that my ankle almost always has some level of swelling.    I have mastered the technique of getting in and out of my car so that people do not realize that to exit my vehicle I have to be able to open my car door all the way to put both feet firmly on the ground before standing up or that to get back into the vehicle I have to open the door all the way to get my left leg in a specific position to sit down.    My disabilities are for the most part not detected by the general viewer.  Therefore the impression of what a handicapped person is and whether or not they should be using a designated handicap parking tab and the reality of what may qualify a person for such a designation can be very different.

A wedding ceremony.  Photo by Grace Grogan

A wedding ceremony. Photo by Grace Grogan

I recently photographed a wedding in which I was shocked when I realized who the minister/pastor  was.  My impression of a clergyman is someone who is conservative, soft spoken, and always uses a traditional version of the bible.  Wrong!  The pastor/minister that conducted the ceremony was a very nice person, but did not fit my mind’s impression at all.    He was tattooed, had some piercings and used an electronic pad instead of a traditional bible.   I was very surprised when I realized he was the person officiating the ceremony and not a guest.   Had I met him on the street I would never believed he was a minister/pastor.  The combination of the handicap posting and my surprise at the minister/pastor’s appearance at the wedding is what led to the creation of this post.

Impression v. Reality can be a fun experience if you accept that what you mind thinks is correct may not be accurate.  The experience of learning how the mind plays tricks on you can be very enlightening.   If you have experienced the surprise of Impression v. Reality please share you experience here.

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Filed under assumptions, decisions, handicapp, impressions, Life Changing, Life is a Melting Pot, mind, reality